(in no particular order)
(this has been a work in progress)
1. My favorite color is turquoise.
2. I am a nice Jewish girl in New York, but I am not a JAP.
3. I am bipolar.
4. I am grossly underpaid.
5. I graduated college with highest honors.
6. I drink lots of water.
7. I recently got addicted to Sudoku.
8. My little sister is getting married.
9. It takes me 10 minutes to choose an ice cream flavor.
10. I hate shopping. Mostly because I can't afford anything.
11. I miss sex.
12. I have lots of photos that are not yet in albums.
13. I will never ever use anything but Tide and Skippy (for detergent & PB, that is!)
14. I wonder if I've already met my soulmate (besheret).
15. I am a good shmoozer, but it's not my favorite activity.
16. I love play-doh. I might buy some for myself.
17. I don't have a doorman.
18. I have furniture that came off the street.
19. I might start playing tennis again.
20. I give dirty looks to rude people in subway stations.
21. Sushi is a recent obsession. And anything else with avocado.
22. My neighborhood keeps getting trendier. I like to think I am a trend-setter.
23. I need a vacation. Like I *really* need a vacation.
24. I'm not so great at holding down jobs.
25. I want to grow up. Or revert back to age 8.
26. I am genuine and generous and ingenious. Okay, maybe not ingenious.
27. I mean what I say and I say what I mean. This sometimes gets me in trouble.
28. I write to journalists and Congressman regarding Israel mostly.
29. I hide my medications and am paranoid that people will find out my condition. It's such a stigma.
30. I enjoy going to events alone. It allows me more freedom. I met an ex this way.
31. I can't stand pretension.
32. I went to 2 movies alone last week. It was very liberating.
33. I haven't been on a date in 4 months.
34. I haven't had sex in 11 months.
35. I have 5 dates this coming week. When it rains, it pours.
36. I have 2 best friends and I love them. I wonder if they know.
37. I love playing in the rain. I usually leave my umbrella at home.
38. I collect cool magnets. And shot glasses.
39. I've been to Disney World 3 times.
40. I've been to Israel 7 times.
41. I've been in love once. In Israel.
42. I have a pretty mean conscience. I guess this is a good thing.
43. I can be very flirty. I can also be very misleading. Unintentionally.
44. I am always late. Always.
45. My last date told me I was gorgeous and sweet and special. Wow, ego boost.
46. I save my spare change for tzedakah. Except quarters go to the laundry fund :)
47. I feel like I lose friends when they get married.
48. I'm my grandma's favorite (of 9) and she has told me so. She rocks. I love her so much.
49. It is very hard for me to stay on task.
50. I learned to ride my bike at the beach.
51. My dad taught me how to parallel park. I've gotten into NYC spaces with one inch on each side. I exaggerate not.
52. My mom is my pillar of strength. But she's also a pain in my ass.
53. I am trying to figure out where I am Jewishly.
54. I am not a fan of the "real world." And I don't mean the show.
54 is good. It's triple chai. Enough for today. Maybe another day, I'll have some more interesting & random facts about me.
Sunday, August 20, 2006
Saturday, June 03, 2006
Double Whammy
I've always been sensitive to comments that people make about something being "retarded," "so gay," etc. Schizo was a term I never used to think as much about and used it occasionally myself to denote certain situations.
But now I am SO much more aware of how horrible it is to joke about mental issues, sexual preferences, etc. It's just so wrong.
Over the course of the last year or so, I have been faced with comments about bpd and had to cringe (can't say grin, in this case) and bear it. Last night there were two. I'm glad it was a sad movie because my teary eyes (and almost more) would have been normal if noticed.
Here were the two comments:
1. In the movie we were watching, there is a discussion about whether or not this woman was unfit to be a mother and about her husband threatening to hospitalize her. My friend's friend said, "It's nothing a little Lithium can't help." Yes, a mood stabilizer can (no shit) STABILIZE, but it can't CURE, and to make such a comment/joke was extremely insensitive and hurt me deep down.
2. Recently a friend of mine was having a helluva time with disputing a charge on her credit card. She went through several representatives who all told her different things and she was potentially going to lose hundreds of dollars. In describing ths situation, she threw up her arms and said, "They are just so bipolar/schizophrenic." Then she said she shouldn't have said that...i.e. realized it was an exaggeration and insensitive, because this is one of the sweetest people I know. To hear it come out of her mouth was a bit of a shock.
In any case, I'm sad.
The two types of cases (I'm apparently into lists tonight!) I've heard about BPD are:
1. the "success & struggle & ultimate triumph" stories of celebrities and others who have managed to publish books and have happy successful, if sometimes troubled, lives.
2. the sad stories of estrangement, alienation, troubled childhoods, strained relationships and weariness from having a mother/spouse/child with it (or depression or other mental problems).
I fear that my life will be more of #2 than #1. Not to sound like a broken record, but will I meet a man who can handle it all? What are the risks of devastation, etc. to my children? I will have to go off meds to be pregnant (I believe this is true, or perhaps it just majorly increases risks to baby's health) and potentially have major relapses. Is it worth it for me to pursue a conventional path of love, marriage, family? What if it gets all f'ed up because of my problems?
I wish I knew someone in my situation. A nice single Jewish girl in her 20s just trying to have a happy life, make ends meet, etc. There must be many out there, but I don't know where to find them. If you know someone, please put me in touch. It would be nice to have a pen-pal who could relate... singlegalnyc@hotmail.com
But now I am SO much more aware of how horrible it is to joke about mental issues, sexual preferences, etc. It's just so wrong.
Over the course of the last year or so, I have been faced with comments about bpd and had to cringe (can't say grin, in this case) and bear it. Last night there were two. I'm glad it was a sad movie because my teary eyes (and almost more) would have been normal if noticed.
Here were the two comments:
1. In the movie we were watching, there is a discussion about whether or not this woman was unfit to be a mother and about her husband threatening to hospitalize her. My friend's friend said, "It's nothing a little Lithium can't help." Yes, a mood stabilizer can (no shit) STABILIZE, but it can't CURE, and to make such a comment/joke was extremely insensitive and hurt me deep down.
2. Recently a friend of mine was having a helluva time with disputing a charge on her credit card. She went through several representatives who all told her different things and she was potentially going to lose hundreds of dollars. In describing ths situation, she threw up her arms and said, "They are just so bipolar/schizophrenic." Then she said she shouldn't have said that...i.e. realized it was an exaggeration and insensitive, because this is one of the sweetest people I know. To hear it come out of her mouth was a bit of a shock.
In any case, I'm sad.
The two types of cases (I'm apparently into lists tonight!) I've heard about BPD are:
1. the "success & struggle & ultimate triumph" stories of celebrities and others who have managed to publish books and have happy successful, if sometimes troubled, lives.
2. the sad stories of estrangement, alienation, troubled childhoods, strained relationships and weariness from having a mother/spouse/child with it (or depression or other mental problems).
I fear that my life will be more of #2 than #1. Not to sound like a broken record, but will I meet a man who can handle it all? What are the risks of devastation, etc. to my children? I will have to go off meds to be pregnant (I believe this is true, or perhaps it just majorly increases risks to baby's health) and potentially have major relapses. Is it worth it for me to pursue a conventional path of love, marriage, family? What if it gets all f'ed up because of my problems?
I wish I knew someone in my situation. A nice single Jewish girl in her 20s just trying to have a happy life, make ends meet, etc. There must be many out there, but I don't know where to find them. If you know someone, please put me in touch. It would be nice to have a pen-pal who could relate... singlegalnyc@hotmail.com
Friday, March 17, 2006
It Could Be Worse
Leave it to a stand-up comic to instill some inspiration in me. I don't exactly remember the context, but the point was all in the delivery. "It Could Be Worse." And it was funny. People laughed. A friend of mine performed too. He was one of the best comics there :)
Anyway, it (LIFE) could be worse. A guy stopped me politely on the street when I got out of the subway at midnight. He asked me if I was familiar with the pizza/deli place across the street. I said, "Not really. Why?" and he asked me if I could get him some pizza? So I said sure and accompanied him to the pizza place, making a bit of small talk on the way. I want to think I did it out of the kindness of my heart, but I think I also did it because I felt guilty that I hadn't yet fulfilled the Purim mitzvah of giving to the poor.
In any case, he gave me some perspective. I asked how long he's been in NYC and he said his whole life, and on the streets for two years. This pizza was the first food he was eating all day. I asked about food/soup kitchens and he said he goes, but they are not available every day. I asked if he had a place to sleep. "On the subway," he said. "Hopefully I'll crash after I eat this pizza."
I told him that I got a deal on bread: 2 loaves for $2 and told him where to get it. I suggested that it could last a couple weeks! He got excited when I brought this up.
He said his hands were cold. I gave him my gloves. He needs them more than I do. I have other pairs. Those are easily replaceable.
That's the story. I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to eat pizza for an hour and pick his brain and hear about his "side of the tracks." (really bad pun NOT intended.)
Why is he worse off? Why doesn't he have family/friends to help him out? If I had a relative or friend in such a position, how much could I help? I could let someone crash with me for 2 weeks, but could I then dismiss him and sit idly by as he roams the streets begging for change?
I may b*tch and complain about lack of career path, lack of money/stress about finances, lack of motivation, frustration in finding a really good guy (with whom I am compatible and who has a big enough heart and strong enough feelings for me to deal with all of my MENTAL SHIT), this stifling city, and the *(*#@^$* bpd itself, but ultimately IT COULD BE WORSE.
Upon reflecting on this incident on my walk home, my brain briefly went into "manic mode," and I thought, "WOW, I could totally interview homeless people and gain so much perspective and put together a book about it and figure out ways to address the crisis." It makes me nervous when manic stuff comes out. Funnily enough, often it comes out in the form of, "Damn, that is SO F'N COOL. I should WRITE A BOOK about it and I could do this and this and this." Fortunately, I am not a dimwit and I recognize that when I bring this up, I'm starting to go manic.....or is that a mistake? Perhaps, I SHOULD be writing about issues that have a powerful impact on me...I mean, I am a strong writer and a great researcher... Hmmmm.... The fine line between normalcy and mania is frustrating as hell! I just don't know who I really am and what ideas/thoughts/plans/actions are reasonable and what is TOO off-the-wall.
....BUT IT COULD BE WORSE...
Anyway, it (LIFE) could be worse. A guy stopped me politely on the street when I got out of the subway at midnight. He asked me if I was familiar with the pizza/deli place across the street. I said, "Not really. Why?" and he asked me if I could get him some pizza? So I said sure and accompanied him to the pizza place, making a bit of small talk on the way. I want to think I did it out of the kindness of my heart, but I think I also did it because I felt guilty that I hadn't yet fulfilled the Purim mitzvah of giving to the poor.
In any case, he gave me some perspective. I asked how long he's been in NYC and he said his whole life, and on the streets for two years. This pizza was the first food he was eating all day. I asked about food/soup kitchens and he said he goes, but they are not available every day. I asked if he had a place to sleep. "On the subway," he said. "Hopefully I'll crash after I eat this pizza."
I told him that I got a deal on bread: 2 loaves for $2 and told him where to get it. I suggested that it could last a couple weeks! He got excited when I brought this up.
He said his hands were cold. I gave him my gloves. He needs them more than I do. I have other pairs. Those are easily replaceable.
That's the story. I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to eat pizza for an hour and pick his brain and hear about his "side of the tracks." (really bad pun NOT intended.)
Why is he worse off? Why doesn't he have family/friends to help him out? If I had a relative or friend in such a position, how much could I help? I could let someone crash with me for 2 weeks, but could I then dismiss him and sit idly by as he roams the streets begging for change?
I may b*tch and complain about lack of career path, lack of money/stress about finances, lack of motivation, frustration in finding a really good guy (with whom I am compatible and who has a big enough heart and strong enough feelings for me to deal with all of my MENTAL SHIT), this stifling city, and the *(*#@^$* bpd itself, but ultimately IT COULD BE WORSE.
Upon reflecting on this incident on my walk home, my brain briefly went into "manic mode," and I thought, "WOW, I could totally interview homeless people and gain so much perspective and put together a book about it and figure out ways to address the crisis." It makes me nervous when manic stuff comes out. Funnily enough, often it comes out in the form of, "Damn, that is SO F'N COOL. I should WRITE A BOOK about it and I could do this and this and this." Fortunately, I am not a dimwit and I recognize that when I bring this up, I'm starting to go manic.....or is that a mistake? Perhaps, I SHOULD be writing about issues that have a powerful impact on me...I mean, I am a strong writer and a great researcher... Hmmmm.... The fine line between normalcy and mania is frustrating as hell! I just don't know who I really am and what ideas/thoughts/plans/actions are reasonable and what is TOO off-the-wall.
....BUT IT COULD BE WORSE...
Thursday, January 26, 2006
If I committed suicide...
...how many people would come to my funeral?
Does anyone ever wonder that?
Recently, a girl my age was hit by a car. She got 400 (to the funeral). It was a "tragedy." The community rallied together. A friend of a friend told me she was sick of hearing about it. Do people get idolized too much in death?
I guess I'd be pitied if I committed suicide. Lots of hushed whispers. What ifs. Why didn't I know? Why did no one know? She seemed so happy. Life was going her way. Lots of gossiping.
What if I died the regular way? What would be different? Less pity. More sympathy. No family shame. No Jewish shame.
Why am I so morbid?
What would the world be without me? Would much be different? How many people do I matter to anyway? No more than a handful. Worth preserving my life for? Do I matter to myself? Will I ever matter to anyone who wants to marry me and have a family, despite my problems? And if I do, could we still be happy? Would I succeed at not alientating, like so many others I know with depression & bpd?
What terrible thoughts. Yet thoughts nonetheless. I'm not really suicidal. Just introspective. And really really sad when I think about my future. (And my present).
Does anyone ever wonder that?
Recently, a girl my age was hit by a car. She got 400 (to the funeral). It was a "tragedy." The community rallied together. A friend of a friend told me she was sick of hearing about it. Do people get idolized too much in death?
I guess I'd be pitied if I committed suicide. Lots of hushed whispers. What ifs. Why didn't I know? Why did no one know? She seemed so happy. Life was going her way. Lots of gossiping.
What if I died the regular way? What would be different? Less pity. More sympathy. No family shame. No Jewish shame.
Why am I so morbid?
What would the world be without me? Would much be different? How many people do I matter to anyway? No more than a handful. Worth preserving my life for? Do I matter to myself? Will I ever matter to anyone who wants to marry me and have a family, despite my problems? And if I do, could we still be happy? Would I succeed at not alientating, like so many others I know with depression & bpd?
What terrible thoughts. Yet thoughts nonetheless. I'm not really suicidal. Just introspective. And really really sad when I think about my future. (And my present).
Monday, January 09, 2006
What's up with that?
There's this guy:
1. I dated him.
2. It lasted about a month.
3. Then he dumped me to be just "friends."
4. Now he calls me constantly, invites me places and invites himself over my place.
5. And he tries to hook up with me. (Usually I acquiesce!)
What is up?? I should give him the cold shoulder until he wants to properly date me and take me out, but honestly, I don't really feel jerked around because I'm "just not that into him." (like that book: "He's Just Not That Into You.") We have fun together and he certainly makes me laugh, but he's definitely not my besheret (soulmate).
Hmmmm.... not requesting advice... Just commenting on screwed up guys. I mean, he's in his early 30s... you'd think he would be a bit more serious by now. Can we say "COMMITMENT ISSUES" ??
Cheers...
1. I dated him.
2. It lasted about a month.
3. Then he dumped me to be just "friends."
4. Now he calls me constantly, invites me places and invites himself over my place.
5. And he tries to hook up with me. (Usually I acquiesce!)
What is up?? I should give him the cold shoulder until he wants to properly date me and take me out, but honestly, I don't really feel jerked around because I'm "just not that into him." (like that book: "He's Just Not That Into You.") We have fun together and he certainly makes me laugh, but he's definitely not my besheret (soulmate).
Hmmmm.... not requesting advice... Just commenting on screwed up guys. I mean, he's in his early 30s... you'd think he would be a bit more serious by now. Can we say "COMMITMENT ISSUES" ??
Cheers...
Random thought
So subways....you know how when you're on the platform and the uptown or downtown train arrives (in the opposite direction than the one you're travelling), and then sometimes your train comes at the same time. I love when that happens. It reminds me of a simultaneous orgasm... Contemplating things such as this make my daily commutes a little less irritating.
What do you think of that?!
What do you think of that?!
Monday, January 02, 2006
new year
hopefully the tides will change.
my resolutions for this year:
-stop biting my nails.
-get happy.
-pay off debt.
-go to israel.
-get a job i like.
-get some direction in my life.
-find a guy i really like.
new year's eve was not so thrilling. i went to a party with some friends at this random guy's apartment. he hired a dj and bouncer. penthouse. terrace. cigarettes. lots of vodka (i only consumed one drink). my friend picked up the host. i told her that he is a dork made cool by money! so true. i met no one of interest. though it was nice to go somewhere that didn't have the usual scenesters from my 'hood, and rather a random crowd. gotta meet some new people. sick of the old. bring in the new.
back to work in a couple days. not so happy about that. i think i was happier unemployed. unfortunately. i could be making as much money as i make in a day in one hour if i were in my old industry...and freelancing. freelancers make damn good money. before expenses such as health insurance and overhead. but still. i miss that life. always greener on the other side.
on the plus side, it is winter. which means skiing. i want to go out west this year, but it's too expensive :(
apologies for the stream of conciousness/lack of capitalization/sentence fragments today. don't take me less seriously... i promise not to do it again (okay, i lied. i most certainly do not promise....i have a bit of a committment problem. but more about that another time.)
my resolutions for this year:
-stop biting my nails.
-get happy.
-pay off debt.
-go to israel.
-get a job i like.
-get some direction in my life.
-find a guy i really like.
new year's eve was not so thrilling. i went to a party with some friends at this random guy's apartment. he hired a dj and bouncer. penthouse. terrace. cigarettes. lots of vodka (i only consumed one drink). my friend picked up the host. i told her that he is a dork made cool by money! so true. i met no one of interest. though it was nice to go somewhere that didn't have the usual scenesters from my 'hood, and rather a random crowd. gotta meet some new people. sick of the old. bring in the new.
back to work in a couple days. not so happy about that. i think i was happier unemployed. unfortunately. i could be making as much money as i make in a day in one hour if i were in my old industry...and freelancing. freelancers make damn good money. before expenses such as health insurance and overhead. but still. i miss that life. always greener on the other side.
on the plus side, it is winter. which means skiing. i want to go out west this year, but it's too expensive :(
apologies for the stream of conciousness/lack of capitalization/sentence fragments today. don't take me less seriously... i promise not to do it again (okay, i lied. i most certainly do not promise....i have a bit of a committment problem. but more about that another time.)
Friday, November 11, 2005
what is wrong with me
i am such a space cadet. i haven't been sleeping well. i've been taking my meds at very inconsistent intervals, missing about a dose a day over the last few days. i feel like a zombie. i haven't taken out my contacts in like 72 hours (and they aren't disposables.) i just cancelled a trip to visit good friends in boston this weekend. i had to pay bills and clean my room. i saw a cockroach in my room but lost him before i killed him. twice. so now he is going to sneak up on me while i'm sleeping or when i put on clothes and he crawls up my leg.
and now, what to do for shabbat? i want to be a hermit. just go nowhere. hang at home. be the big loser that i am. but last time i did that i felt so lame and more depressed.
two guys who i have dates with this week asked me to give them a ring if i didn't end up going away. but i don't think i will do that. i also don't want to run into them though. which with my luck would happen. i'm not overly thrilled with either of them. one is to be a first date, the other about the 4th. i almost dumped the 2nd for a 3rd who recently dumped me. and the first was such a wuss about asking me out, i wanted to tell him right on the spot, if you can't ask me out without being a big 'fraidy cat with obvious insecurities, then i'm not interested. he is cute though. in that dorky jewish (and foreign--not israeli) kind of way. his english is not the best either. he speaks slowly and deliberately and doesn't get my sarcasm. neither does bachelor #2. but he's learning. and he already left me a message saying he "misses" me. oy vey. i'm not looking for anything serious. until something seriously special comes my way.
dating in new york sucks. especially dating on the upper west side. but enough about that. it's a small small world here and i don't want to embarrass anyone....least of all, myself!
ps i can't believe i'm posting this. please forgive omission of commas and redundance and repetition and run-on sentences :)
and now, what to do for shabbat? i want to be a hermit. just go nowhere. hang at home. be the big loser that i am. but last time i did that i felt so lame and more depressed.
two guys who i have dates with this week asked me to give them a ring if i didn't end up going away. but i don't think i will do that. i also don't want to run into them though. which with my luck would happen. i'm not overly thrilled with either of them. one is to be a first date, the other about the 4th. i almost dumped the 2nd for a 3rd who recently dumped me. and the first was such a wuss about asking me out, i wanted to tell him right on the spot, if you can't ask me out without being a big 'fraidy cat with obvious insecurities, then i'm not interested. he is cute though. in that dorky jewish (and foreign--not israeli) kind of way. his english is not the best either. he speaks slowly and deliberately and doesn't get my sarcasm. neither does bachelor #2. but he's learning. and he already left me a message saying he "misses" me. oy vey. i'm not looking for anything serious. until something seriously special comes my way.
dating in new york sucks. especially dating on the upper west side. but enough about that. it's a small small world here and i don't want to embarrass anyone....least of all, myself!
ps i can't believe i'm posting this. please forgive omission of commas and redundance and repetition and run-on sentences :)
Thursday, November 03, 2005
There's Something About M...
...y obsession with DINERS!!!
I love 'em... and here's my very own TOP 10 LIST OF WHY DINERS ROCK:
10. Your glass of water is never -- make that, never ever -- empty. Somehow the glasses (minute though they may be) are magically always refilled without the need to flag down the wait staff. I swear, Elijah must be around somewhere...
9. There's the unassuming atmosphere, where one can be completely anonymous, yet revel in the glories of shameless people-watching... not to mention shameless eavesdropping. For some inexplicable reason, people choose to bare their souls while in diners. If you listen up, you'll hear all about money woes, lovers' quarrels and even sex scandals (if you're lucky).
8. The menus are home to more pages and varieties of fare than the swankiest theatre district celebrity hot-spot, the newest break-the-bank steakhouse or famed sushi destination. And diner food is cheap in price, but rarely so in quality. There are generous portions and it always makes for a hearty meal. Mmm...hungry yet?
7. Dining alone is not the least bit intimidating nor embarrassing. In fact, it simply enables you to do more people-watching and eavesdropping. (or at least do so without ignoring your dining companion!) And shmoozing with your hot waiter (if you're really lucky).
6. Diners don't kick you out. Sure there are some cafes that let you hang around hour-upon-hour, but do they offer bottomless cups of coffee and an endless stream of entertainment of the mundane?
5. You can happily sip a milkshake or indulge in a huge plate of french (freedom?) fries and the rest of your problems miraculously seem far far away.
4. Diners are tourist-free! Always! (*with the exception of listed tourist diners below) I didn't realize it until tonight when dining in one of New York's so-called "famous" diners, but even it is frequented by a pleasant crowd of locals.
3. What better place to catch up with an old friend, have a heart-to-heart with mom or have a teary break-up? Everyone seems to assume that no one is listening to your conversation, yet subconsciously, I think everyone likes having an audience. Plus it's anonymous because once you walk out, you may as well have just exited an online chatroom.
2. Omelettes have a preparation time of 43.2 seconds with an extra 10.6 seconds to get to the table. It doesn't matter how crowded or busy the diner is, this is a proven statistic. Service is so fast, you've gotta wonder if they've got an army of robots back there.
1. Lastly, I would be remiss to omit those ubiquitous diner mints that I hoard upon my exit (and sometimes upon my entrance, too). They're not even that tasty, but there's just some undefinable quality to them that simply completes the diner experience.
---
And the very best diners I know: (This is not geographically biased...really!)
Metro Diner (100th/Broadway): Very friendly. Very spacious. Diverse crowd. Decent people-watching. And the menu is almost as long as my honors thesis was :) Downside: It's not open 24 hours.
City Diner (90th/Broadway): Owned by the same proprietors as Metro Diner and it *is* open 24 hours. It's also conveniently located to some great bars and night-spots. (Okay, I lied. The numerous Amsterdam (Ave.) frat bars don't count. The only good one near there is Cleopatra's Needle which has its own fine cuisine.)
Strand Diner (96th/Broadway): The best feature of this place are the old-school jukebox game thingys (thingies, if you will) at each table. It's a funky obscure joint around the corner from the sketchy-by-night 2/3 subway stop.
Okay, so if you're a tourist, you can head to*:
Ellen's Stardust Diner (51st/Broadway): The supposed draw is the entourage of singing waiters, who are really just Broadway hopefuls shooting for the (far-away) stars! Beware: These waiters mean well, but they harbor delusions that they are the funniest, most entertaining performers this side of Broadway!
Carnegie Deli (55th/7th): It's famous for its $12 deli sandwiches and terrible service! Hurry, put me on the interminable list for a table now!
Tom's Restaurant (112th/Broadway): Seinfeld's famous haunt, yet surprisingly not overrun by tourist maniacs. I guess "Harlem" is just still too scary to set foot into. Check it out, but don't stay for a meal. Tom's is overpriced and underserviced. (It's also referenced in Suzanne Vega's song "Tom's Diner"). Downside: No mints!
*The mass appeal (to tourists) of these places may override the cynical comments I have made here! It's a New York experience....just like getting shoved in the subway.
I love 'em... and here's my very own TOP 10 LIST OF WHY DINERS ROCK:
10. Your glass of water is never -- make that, never ever -- empty. Somehow the glasses (minute though they may be) are magically always refilled without the need to flag down the wait staff. I swear, Elijah must be around somewhere...
9. There's the unassuming atmosphere, where one can be completely anonymous, yet revel in the glories of shameless people-watching... not to mention shameless eavesdropping. For some inexplicable reason, people choose to bare their souls while in diners. If you listen up, you'll hear all about money woes, lovers' quarrels and even sex scandals (if you're lucky).
8. The menus are home to more pages and varieties of fare than the swankiest theatre district celebrity hot-spot, the newest break-the-bank steakhouse or famed sushi destination. And diner food is cheap in price, but rarely so in quality. There are generous portions and it always makes for a hearty meal. Mmm...hungry yet?
7. Dining alone is not the least bit intimidating nor embarrassing. In fact, it simply enables you to do more people-watching and eavesdropping. (or at least do so without ignoring your dining companion!) And shmoozing with your hot waiter (if you're really lucky).
6. Diners don't kick you out. Sure there are some cafes that let you hang around hour-upon-hour, but do they offer bottomless cups of coffee and an endless stream of entertainment of the mundane?
5. You can happily sip a milkshake or indulge in a huge plate of french (freedom?) fries and the rest of your problems miraculously seem far far away.
4. Diners are tourist-free! Always! (*with the exception of listed tourist diners below) I didn't realize it until tonight when dining in one of New York's so-called "famous" diners, but even it is frequented by a pleasant crowd of locals.
3. What better place to catch up with an old friend, have a heart-to-heart with mom or have a teary break-up? Everyone seems to assume that no one is listening to your conversation, yet subconsciously, I think everyone likes having an audience. Plus it's anonymous because once you walk out, you may as well have just exited an online chatroom.
2. Omelettes have a preparation time of 43.2 seconds with an extra 10.6 seconds to get to the table. It doesn't matter how crowded or busy the diner is, this is a proven statistic. Service is so fast, you've gotta wonder if they've got an army of robots back there.
1. Lastly, I would be remiss to omit those ubiquitous diner mints that I hoard upon my exit (and sometimes upon my entrance, too). They're not even that tasty, but there's just some undefinable quality to them that simply completes the diner experience.
---
And the very best diners I know: (This is not geographically biased...really!)
Metro Diner (100th/Broadway): Very friendly. Very spacious. Diverse crowd. Decent people-watching. And the menu is almost as long as my honors thesis was :) Downside: It's not open 24 hours.
City Diner (90th/Broadway): Owned by the same proprietors as Metro Diner and it *is* open 24 hours. It's also conveniently located to some great bars and night-spots. (Okay, I lied. The numerous Amsterdam (Ave.) frat bars don't count. The only good one near there is Cleopatra's Needle which has its own fine cuisine.)
Strand Diner (96th/Broadway): The best feature of this place are the old-school jukebox game thingys (thingies, if you will) at each table. It's a funky obscure joint around the corner from the sketchy-by-night 2/3 subway stop.
Okay, so if you're a tourist, you can head to*:
Ellen's Stardust Diner (51st/Broadway): The supposed draw is the entourage of singing waiters, who are really just Broadway hopefuls shooting for the (far-away) stars! Beware: These waiters mean well, but they harbor delusions that they are the funniest, most entertaining performers this side of Broadway!
Carnegie Deli (55th/7th): It's famous for its $12 deli sandwiches and terrible service! Hurry, put me on the interminable list for a table now!
Tom's Restaurant (112th/Broadway): Seinfeld's famous haunt, yet surprisingly not overrun by tourist maniacs. I guess "Harlem" is just still too scary to set foot into. Check it out, but don't stay for a meal. Tom's is overpriced and underserviced. (It's also referenced in Suzanne Vega's song "Tom's Diner"). Downside: No mints!
*The mass appeal (to tourists) of these places may override the cynical comments I have made here! It's a New York experience....just like getting shoved in the subway.
I'm baaaaaaack.....
.......and better than ever!
It's been a tumultuous year, but I rode it out and here I am again, ready for this blog to suck the life out of me. :)
Only kidding. I find it to be cathartic. And I hope you find it to be entertaining (and maybe educational, insightful, inspiring). If so, please bookmark/blogroll me and come back to visit!
Stay tuned for lots of exciting stuff to come about dating in NYC, musings on religiousity, the mishugas (craziness) of work and how my bipolar illness affects it all. And some local NYC stuff, pop culture and ISRAEL!!
Please let me know that you stopped by. Drop me a comment or email me at singlegalnyc@hotmail.com. If you email me, I promise to write back! So exciting, right? I can even mail you an autographed item of your choice if you so desire.*
*This offer only stands until my blog becomes so popular that I can't keep up with the fan mail....
----
On a serious note: I am somewhat paranoid about my identity being discovered. If by chance, you figure out who I am, I beg you to please keep it in confidence. Consider it lashon hara ("evil tongue"//total horrible gossip) to share it with others who know me in real life. Because I am writing about the very sensitive topic of my mental illness, I would be mortified to find out that people from my real life knew.... Plus, I plan to write more about sex & relationships too....and I can't have all the men knocking down my door :)
---
HELP PLEASE: Is there a good (free) HTML resource for a beginner (list of tags?) I can't remember how to hyperlink to an email address and I tried the one listed on WebMonkey, but it didn't work. Thanks in advance!
It's been a tumultuous year, but I rode it out and here I am again, ready for this blog to suck the life out of me. :)
Only kidding. I find it to be cathartic. And I hope you find it to be entertaining (and maybe educational, insightful, inspiring). If so, please bookmark/blogroll me and come back to visit!
Stay tuned for lots of exciting stuff to come about dating in NYC, musings on religiousity, the mishugas (craziness) of work and how my bipolar illness affects it all. And some local NYC stuff, pop culture and ISRAEL!!
Please let me know that you stopped by. Drop me a comment or email me at singlegalnyc@hotmail.com. If you email me, I promise to write back! So exciting, right? I can even mail you an autographed item of your choice if you so desire.*
*This offer only stands until my blog becomes so popular that I can't keep up with the fan mail....
----
On a serious note: I am somewhat paranoid about my identity being discovered. If by chance, you figure out who I am, I beg you to please keep it in confidence. Consider it lashon hara ("evil tongue"//total horrible gossip) to share it with others who know me in real life. Because I am writing about the very sensitive topic of my mental illness, I would be mortified to find out that people from my real life knew.... Plus, I plan to write more about sex & relationships too....and I can't have all the men knocking down my door :)
---
HELP PLEASE: Is there a good (free) HTML resource for a beginner (list of tags?) I can't remember how to hyperlink to an email address and I tried the one listed on WebMonkey, but it didn't work. Thanks in advance!
Wednesday, October 20, 2004
Wisdom from None Other Than Dr. Seuss
This quote speaks for itself:
Be who you are and say how you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
-Dr. Seuss
By the way, they sell Dr. Seuss books in Hebrew. Now that's a good test of Hebrew abilities and also lots of fun to read. Check out your local Judaica store!
For a graduation present, I received a book called Seuss-isms for Success: Insider Tips on Economic Health from the Good Doctor. It includes appropriate quotes from various books of Dr. S and the editor really managed to extract some great business lessons! The starting quote is most inspirational for me, and I need to keep it in mind as much as I did when I first graduated:
Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You're off to Great Places!
You're off and away!
You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
-Oh, the Places You'll Go!
Oh, how I want to go places....happiness-wise....and...to Israel (which should come as no surprise to my faithful readers.) And maybe career-wise, but truth be told, I am skeptical that there's anything out there that would satisfy me. I hate the proverbial corporate ladder and I can't stand bureaucracy. I just need to make some money to keep my head above water... More about this later and I will open the floor for suggestions once I outline my qualifications for everyone's reading pleasure.
Be who you are and say how you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
-Dr. Seuss
By the way, they sell Dr. Seuss books in Hebrew. Now that's a good test of Hebrew abilities and also lots of fun to read. Check out your local Judaica store!
For a graduation present, I received a book called Seuss-isms for Success: Insider Tips on Economic Health from the Good Doctor. It includes appropriate quotes from various books of Dr. S and the editor really managed to extract some great business lessons! The starting quote is most inspirational for me, and I need to keep it in mind as much as I did when I first graduated:
Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You're off to Great Places!
You're off and away!
You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
-Oh, the Places You'll Go!
Oh, how I want to go places....happiness-wise....and...to Israel (which should come as no surprise to my faithful readers.) And maybe career-wise, but truth be told, I am skeptical that there's anything out there that would satisfy me. I hate the proverbial corporate ladder and I can't stand bureaucracy. I just need to make some money to keep my head above water... More about this later and I will open the floor for suggestions once I outline my qualifications for everyone's reading pleasure.
Age of Ignorance: A Rant
Sometimes I have to wonder about the intellect of my fellow human beings. The following particular complaints are mathematical ones.
First of all, what is up with those tip cards? When people whip them out at restaurants, it seems they want to impress others with how savvy and prepared they are (as in, "Look how smooth I am; I brought condoms!" (i.e. "I knew I was gonna get some tonight!")) I just don't understand how it's so hard to calculate a tip. Some people (I think Bloomberg said this if I'm not mistaken) just double the tax (which is 8.25% in New York. He got trashed for leaving so little!)) More practically, it's mindless to move the decimal point one to the left to get 10%. Then either double it (for 20%, duh!) or take half of 10% and add it onto the 10% (for 15%). And there you have it! Singlegal's solution for the masses.
The next "Made for Stupid" thing I saw recently was a huge chart with a gazillion numbers on it. I was at DSW (which I believe stands for "Discount Shoe Warehouse") and this chart was a guide to pricing. Shoes were 20, 40, 60 or 80% off (though mysteriously, there seemed to be no shoes that were 80% off, and only a handful that were 60%. Damn those sneaky retailers..) The handy dandy chart listed each possible original price (in 10 cent increments or so) and what the new price would be with each of the 4 discounts. It was a sight to see and all those numbers made me a a bit dizzy. Why can't people find 10% and calculate from there? We all took high school math!
Lastly are those cash registers that dispense coins separately from bills when transacting a transaction. (Like that? That's my style!) As I think about it though, I am realizing that those cash registers might also serve the function to expedite transactions and keep customers waiting for a shorter time. I think they've got them at fast food joints where speed is definitely appreciated by the customers (and where the employees might very well be high school dropouts.)
---
On the other end of the spectrum (i.e. non-mathematical quirky grievances) are companies that find it appropriate to misspell their names or slogans to achieve marketing prowess. For example, there's Dunkin' Donuts, Rite Aid, Toys "R" Us, and many others that are eluding me right now.
And today, as I indulged in a Butterfinger, I was dismayed to see the slogan: "crispety, crunchety, peanut-buttery!" For starters, it invents words (this is different from me inventing words for a blog; I wouldn't give a company an idiotic name or slogan) and those words don't even rhyme. For it to rhyme, it would have to be either "crispety, crunchety, peanut-butty(or buttety)" (all ending in "ty") or "crispery, crunchery, peanut-buttery." But I maintain that "crispy, crunchy, peanut-buttery" isn't all so terrible and still has the best ring to it!
---
Those are my complaints for today. Stay tuned for more in the future!
First of all, what is up with those tip cards? When people whip them out at restaurants, it seems they want to impress others with how savvy and prepared they are (as in, "Look how smooth I am; I brought condoms!" (i.e. "I knew I was gonna get some tonight!")) I just don't understand how it's so hard to calculate a tip. Some people (I think Bloomberg said this if I'm not mistaken) just double the tax (which is 8.25% in New York. He got trashed for leaving so little!)) More practically, it's mindless to move the decimal point one to the left to get 10%. Then either double it (for 20%, duh!) or take half of 10% and add it onto the 10% (for 15%). And there you have it! Singlegal's solution for the masses.
The next "Made for Stupid" thing I saw recently was a huge chart with a gazillion numbers on it. I was at DSW (which I believe stands for "Discount Shoe Warehouse") and this chart was a guide to pricing. Shoes were 20, 40, 60 or 80% off (though mysteriously, there seemed to be no shoes that were 80% off, and only a handful that were 60%. Damn those sneaky retailers..) The handy dandy chart listed each possible original price (in 10 cent increments or so) and what the new price would be with each of the 4 discounts. It was a sight to see and all those numbers made me a a bit dizzy. Why can't people find 10% and calculate from there? We all took high school math!
Lastly are those cash registers that dispense coins separately from bills when transacting a transaction. (Like that? That's my style!) As I think about it though, I am realizing that those cash registers might also serve the function to expedite transactions and keep customers waiting for a shorter time. I think they've got them at fast food joints where speed is definitely appreciated by the customers (and where the employees might very well be high school dropouts.)
---
On the other end of the spectrum (i.e. non-mathematical quirky grievances) are companies that find it appropriate to misspell their names or slogans to achieve marketing prowess. For example, there's Dunkin' Donuts, Rite Aid, Toys "R" Us, and many others that are eluding me right now.
And today, as I indulged in a Butterfinger, I was dismayed to see the slogan: "crispety, crunchety, peanut-buttery!" For starters, it invents words (this is different from me inventing words for a blog; I wouldn't give a company an idiotic name or slogan) and those words don't even rhyme. For it to rhyme, it would have to be either "crispety, crunchety, peanut-butty(or buttety)" (all ending in "ty") or "crispery, crunchery, peanut-buttery." But I maintain that "crispy, crunchy, peanut-buttery" isn't all so terrible and still has the best ring to it!
---
Those are my complaints for today. Stay tuned for more in the future!
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
The Boyfriend Dramalogues
In a departure from my recent ramblings on how pathetic my life is (Note: this perception has not changed; life is still a wooden roller-coaster with loops), I'd like to thank PepGiraffe for inspiring this post of past boyfriends.
Disclaimer (for males): Sometimes for anonymity reasons, and sometimes for sheer amusement, women and their friends identify past, present & future suitors with mnemonically apt descriptors. (Yes, I made up the word "mnemonically"; I will take whatever poetic license I choose. Just don't mistake it for lack of intelligence.) This female tendency indicates a desire to remember lovingly, disregard wholly, mock amusingly and/or list nonsensically (as I will proceed to do here.) And I also must add that this phenomenon has become more prevalent among the masses following the introduction of the famous "Mr. Big" on Sex in the City.
These are my former suitors/lovers/boyfriends:
* "The Israeli" (times 4: "The Shoe Salesman," "The One I Loved," "The Shaliach" and "The One Night Stand")
* "The Canadian" (times 2 (included below); I switched from Israelis to Canadians; now I'm on religious guys! Yet I'm starting to pine away for "The One I Loved" from 3 years ago)
* "No-Personality" = "Let Me Take You Out So You Can Pay" = "The Overachiever / Great on Paper" guy (We both knew from Day 1 that it was going nowhere.)
* "No Chin" = "Sexy Dresser" = "Tall, Dark & Handsome" guy (It was intense & serious but not much else to say about him!)
* "Religious Yet NOT So Religious (If You Get My Drift)" guy
* "Perfect But There's No Spark" guy
* "Dorky but Adorable Newspaper Editor" guy
Only one JDater is described above, but I've dated my fair share of sketchy guys from that cesspool of cessationable (not sensational) men, and am skeptical about returning to it. (I'm especially skeptical of "The Penthouse" guy who got 2 chances from me.)
Speaking of which, anyone have any good stories from Saw You At Sinai (an online dating site with use of matchmakers)? I wonder if there will be a need for SawYouAtSinai-ers Anonymous...
Also, if you are a young single dating in Manhattan, it is imperative that you see the movie Crossing Delancey like yesterday. It is very funny and the premise is a young woman in her early 30s who isn't looking for love, but love is looking for her, in the form of a pickle vendor! Yeah for street vendors. Not only did my shoe salesman work in a store, but he worked at his dad's booth at the shuk, too. I know, I really know how to pick winners. It is still a source of amusement for my friends!
Disclaimer (for males): Sometimes for anonymity reasons, and sometimes for sheer amusement, women and their friends identify past, present & future suitors with mnemonically apt descriptors. (Yes, I made up the word "mnemonically"; I will take whatever poetic license I choose. Just don't mistake it for lack of intelligence.) This female tendency indicates a desire to remember lovingly, disregard wholly, mock amusingly and/or list nonsensically (as I will proceed to do here.) And I also must add that this phenomenon has become more prevalent among the masses following the introduction of the famous "Mr. Big" on Sex in the City.
These are my former suitors/lovers/boyfriends:
* "The Israeli" (times 4: "The Shoe Salesman," "The One I Loved," "The Shaliach" and "The One Night Stand")
* "The Canadian" (times 2 (included below); I switched from Israelis to Canadians; now I'm on religious guys! Yet I'm starting to pine away for "The One I Loved" from 3 years ago)
* "No-Personality" = "Let Me Take You Out So You Can Pay" = "The Overachiever / Great on Paper" guy (We both knew from Day 1 that it was going nowhere.)
* "No Chin" = "Sexy Dresser" = "Tall, Dark & Handsome" guy (It was intense & serious but not much else to say about him!)
* "Religious Yet NOT So Religious (If You Get My Drift)" guy
* "Perfect But There's No Spark" guy
* "Dorky but Adorable Newspaper Editor" guy
Only one JDater is described above, but I've dated my fair share of sketchy guys from that cesspool of cessationable (not sensational) men, and am skeptical about returning to it. (I'm especially skeptical of "The Penthouse" guy who got 2 chances from me.)
Speaking of which, anyone have any good stories from Saw You At Sinai (an online dating site with use of matchmakers)? I wonder if there will be a need for SawYouAtSinai-ers Anonymous...
Also, if you are a young single dating in Manhattan, it is imperative that you see the movie Crossing Delancey like yesterday. It is very funny and the premise is a young woman in her early 30s who isn't looking for love, but love is looking for her, in the form of a pickle vendor! Yeah for street vendors. Not only did my shoe salesman work in a store, but he worked at his dad's booth at the shuk, too. I know, I really know how to pick winners. It is still a source of amusement for my friends!
Tuesday, September 28, 2004
To Laugh Often
These wise words are fairly inspirational:
To laugh often and much,
To win the respect of intelligent people,
and the affection of children;
To earn the appreciation of honest critics,
and endure the betrayal of false friends;
To appreciate beauty;
To find the best in others;
To leave the world a bit better,
whether by a healthy child, a garden patch...
To know even one life has breathed
easier because you have lived;
This is to have succeeded!
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
To laugh often and much,
To win the respect of intelligent people,
and the affection of children;
To earn the appreciation of honest critics,
and endure the betrayal of false friends;
To appreciate beauty;
To find the best in others;
To leave the world a bit better,
whether by a healthy child, a garden patch...
To know even one life has breathed
easier because you have lived;
This is to have succeeded!
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
Thursday, September 23, 2004
What a Difference!
Wow, well I am feelng a lot better and I guess I can attribute it to the increased dosage of my mood stabilizer, in addition to my life stabilizing le'at le'at (slowly slowly). The last post from this Monday was a little exaggerated because I was describing events and feelings I had the previous week, so my road to recovery hasn't been *quite* this dramatic.
And I almost have new roommates the search for whom has been a harrowing experience, to say the least! I'm starting to entertain potential career directions and active steps I can take to research organizations/firms and secure work. And no bf on the horizon which doesn't matter b/c I am quite happy to be SINGLEGALNYC. So apropos that I chose that pseudonym/moniker (i like both words & couldn't choose), eh??
Yay, I'm excited for life again! And a week ago I was so convinced that life couldn't get any worse and couldn't be worth living. I hope that these episodes subside b/c with any regularity, they will wreak havoc on my life and prevent me from maintaining stable relationships with people and holding down jobs.
Ze oh! (That's all (folks))
And I almost have new roommates the search for whom has been a harrowing experience, to say the least! I'm starting to entertain potential career directions and active steps I can take to research organizations/firms and secure work. And no bf on the horizon which doesn't matter b/c I am quite happy to be SINGLEGALNYC. So apropos that I chose that pseudonym/moniker (i like both words & couldn't choose), eh??
Yay, I'm excited for life again! And a week ago I was so convinced that life couldn't get any worse and couldn't be worth living. I hope that these episodes subside b/c with any regularity, they will wreak havoc on my life and prevent me from maintaining stable relationships with people and holding down jobs.
Ze oh! (That's all (folks))
Monday, September 20, 2004
Back to Square One... that is, Negative One
First of all, apologies to my loyal readers for my unexplained absence. This can, in fact, be attributed to my recent trip to Israel as a deputy diplomat in the department of peace-keeping efforts and hasbara-associated conflagrations. Actually, I've just been busy dealing with life and contemplating "next steps" regarding said life, specifically the choice between work or play. Just kidding, work or grad school. I wish that "play" were an option. In any case, I digress and will return to this subject at another date, but first a note from the editor....
------
Ed. Note: This blog was not intended to be a diary of the ups and downs of my life (and illness). For that purpose, I keep a personal journal (a written one, if you can believe it.) In the future, this blog may once again address interesting observations of trains, planes & automobiles (ie subways, world affairs & navigating city life), not to exclude* specific elements of 20-something NYC life, such as dating, social life, religion, politics, demographics, advertising, shopping, driving, touristing, etc., to be supplemented by my very own commentary & analysis on Judaism, Israel and the matzav. Despite the ready availability of my journal (yes, it calls out to me), I find opening up to an audience of strangers to be strangely satisfying. Even if you don't comment (which I wish you would!), it's nice to know that people out there are learning about the tumultuous experiences of someone with bipolar disorder. (1 in every 100 people suffer from it.)
*Isn't "not to exclude" so much more apropos than "not to mention," which itself is a contradiction?
-------
Yes, that's BIPOLAR DISORDER. That's what I have and I'm proud (proud?) to share it with you. I was previously battling depression, with doctors' suspicions that I was bipolar based on a questionable manic episode a few years ago. The suspicion was confirmed after this most recent bout. My immediate family, a few friends and all my roommates are "in-the-know." (This makes for a grand total of about 12.) Yet, I don't want others to know because it seems like a drastic omen, plus there is a negative perception of mental illnesses among the general public. (I am not an institutionalized psycho; that was my ex-roommate!) Moreover, pity is the last thing I want from people.
Unfortunately, just when I thought I was on the mend, the upswing, toward normalcy, from my recent manic episode, I took a turn for the worse. Apparently it's not so uncommon to veer into a depression immediately following a manic period. However, it caught me by surprise and I am shocked at how low I can go.
When I encountered my (first?) most severe incident of depression, I was calling my mother every day, crying. I saw no light at the end of the tunnel. Hell, I didn't even see a tunnel. I thought my life was so terrible... and this all happened at a point in my life when I had just moved to Manhattan, had a great new apartment, a new job, a new boyfriend and everything on the outside seemed spectacular whereas I was falling apart on the inside.
Well now, it's fortunate that I'm well-medicated because if I was in such a state then, when everything seemed so rosy, I don't know where I'd be otherwise right now. I am currently in a state of flux in regards to every aspect of my life: apartment, job, boyfriend. I really could care less that I am boyfriend-less now (that guy about whom I was *so* excited is out of the picture), but I would certainly appreciate some direction from someone (G-d??) about what the heck I am meant to do with my life -- professionally, academically and how I can make the world a better place...
I know that sounds hokey; it was meant to... it was a hyperbole of sorts. I've been reading the book Eats, Shoots & Leaves by Lynn Truss. If you haven't heard of it, let me tell you that is something I should have written myself. It rails against the plummeting standards of punctuation (and grammar, to a degree), and while originally geared toward "the select few," it has achieved great success both in the UK and here. The author's hilarious style makes for an entertaining read with which any literate person can identify.
Back to me me me and me. It's nice to have a captive (okay, cursorily passing through) audience. If anything whatsoever resonates or you wish to comment, commend, criticize or query me, feel free to do so. Actually, you can hold off on the criticism, unless it's very gentle or very urgent (or simply urgentle).
I am in such a pathetic state right now. I have no idea where I'm going, what I'm doing, etc. I am feeling so low that I am avoiding phone calls and interactions with friends and family because I have nothing to say of note about my life. This is particularly an issue with those people who don't know about my condition. I told my mom that I don't know what to say when people inevitably ask, "How are you?" Her suggested responses were "I've been better" and "Hangin' in there." Not too bad for getting past the initial minute of a phone call, but past that is pretty tricky.
Today, I was asked how my book was coming along. This book is something that I came up with in the midst of my manic episode. I emailed about 25 of my closest friends to share with them this endeavor (minus details about my illness) and request their input about their experiences as post-college 20-somethings. I was going to share my groundbreaking and unique experience with others, focusing on what it's like to be bipolar (whoa, scary to write it like that.. ie to BE bipolar), and specific to the other components of my life: NYC, religion, single life and one other that I do not recall. I do think I have a lot to say (as I always do!), but whether it's fodder for a whole book is another story. Anyway, I still think it's a bit unique in that quarter-life-crisis meets memoirs-of-the-mentally-ill kind of way.
That's all for tonight, folks! Laila tov.
P.S. Shana tova to all! May you have a sweet, healthy, happy & properous year ahead!
------
Ed. Note: This blog was not intended to be a diary of the ups and downs of my life (and illness). For that purpose, I keep a personal journal (a written one, if you can believe it.) In the future, this blog may once again address interesting observations of trains, planes & automobiles (ie subways, world affairs & navigating city life), not to exclude* specific elements of 20-something NYC life, such as dating, social life, religion, politics, demographics, advertising, shopping, driving, touristing, etc., to be supplemented by my very own commentary & analysis on Judaism, Israel and the matzav. Despite the ready availability of my journal (yes, it calls out to me), I find opening up to an audience of strangers to be strangely satisfying. Even if you don't comment (which I wish you would!), it's nice to know that people out there are learning about the tumultuous experiences of someone with bipolar disorder. (1 in every 100 people suffer from it.)
*Isn't "not to exclude" so much more apropos than "not to mention," which itself is a contradiction?
-------
Yes, that's BIPOLAR DISORDER. That's what I have and I'm proud (proud?) to share it with you. I was previously battling depression, with doctors' suspicions that I was bipolar based on a questionable manic episode a few years ago. The suspicion was confirmed after this most recent bout. My immediate family, a few friends and all my roommates are "in-the-know." (This makes for a grand total of about 12.) Yet, I don't want others to know because it seems like a drastic omen, plus there is a negative perception of mental illnesses among the general public. (I am not an institutionalized psycho; that was my ex-roommate!) Moreover, pity is the last thing I want from people.
Unfortunately, just when I thought I was on the mend, the upswing, toward normalcy, from my recent manic episode, I took a turn for the worse. Apparently it's not so uncommon to veer into a depression immediately following a manic period. However, it caught me by surprise and I am shocked at how low I can go.
When I encountered my (first?) most severe incident of depression, I was calling my mother every day, crying. I saw no light at the end of the tunnel. Hell, I didn't even see a tunnel. I thought my life was so terrible... and this all happened at a point in my life when I had just moved to Manhattan, had a great new apartment, a new job, a new boyfriend and everything on the outside seemed spectacular whereas I was falling apart on the inside.
Well now, it's fortunate that I'm well-medicated because if I was in such a state then, when everything seemed so rosy, I don't know where I'd be otherwise right now. I am currently in a state of flux in regards to every aspect of my life: apartment, job, boyfriend. I really could care less that I am boyfriend-less now (that guy about whom I was *so* excited is out of the picture), but I would certainly appreciate some direction from someone (G-d??) about what the heck I am meant to do with my life -- professionally, academically and how I can make the world a better place...
I know that sounds hokey; it was meant to... it was a hyperbole of sorts. I've been reading the book Eats, Shoots & Leaves by Lynn Truss. If you haven't heard of it, let me tell you that is something I should have written myself. It rails against the plummeting standards of punctuation (and grammar, to a degree), and while originally geared toward "the select few," it has achieved great success both in the UK and here. The author's hilarious style makes for an entertaining read with which any literate person can identify.
Back to me me me and me. It's nice to have a captive (okay, cursorily passing through) audience. If anything whatsoever resonates or you wish to comment, commend, criticize or query me, feel free to do so. Actually, you can hold off on the criticism, unless it's very gentle or very urgent (or simply urgentle).
I am in such a pathetic state right now. I have no idea where I'm going, what I'm doing, etc. I am feeling so low that I am avoiding phone calls and interactions with friends and family because I have nothing to say of note about my life. This is particularly an issue with those people who don't know about my condition. I told my mom that I don't know what to say when people inevitably ask, "How are you?" Her suggested responses were "I've been better" and "Hangin' in there." Not too bad for getting past the initial minute of a phone call, but past that is pretty tricky.
Today, I was asked how my book was coming along. This book is something that I came up with in the midst of my manic episode. I emailed about 25 of my closest friends to share with them this endeavor (minus details about my illness) and request their input about their experiences as post-college 20-somethings. I was going to share my groundbreaking and unique experience with others, focusing on what it's like to be bipolar (whoa, scary to write it like that.. ie to BE bipolar), and specific to the other components of my life: NYC, religion, single life and one other that I do not recall. I do think I have a lot to say (as I always do!), but whether it's fodder for a whole book is another story. Anyway, I still think it's a bit unique in that quarter-life-crisis meets memoirs-of-the-mentally-ill kind of way.
That's all for tonight, folks! Laila tov.
P.S. Shana tova to all! May you have a sweet, healthy, happy & properous year ahead!
Sunday, August 22, 2004
Back to Reality....Sort Of...
I'm back in the City this weekend!! I came on Thursday and have been enjoying it and feeling (almost) back to my old self. It's really nice to be here and to be engaged in a regular life of work (okay, interviews..), social life and home (with roommates as opposed to my mishpucha.)
I keep wondering though if I'm really the same as the old me, and then predictably contemplating what the heck constituted the old me... Am I talking and laughing too much? Do I uncharacteristically appear melancholy or am I too quiet sometimes? Is it apparent when I zone out in social situations or fudge some facts to explain why I haven't been around ("I've spent a lot of weekends out at my parents' pool") or what I'm currently doing professionally (the answer is "freelancing," but "between jobs" if pressed for details)? I guess only time will tell. That is, I'll have better insight over time, particularly self-observation of the dynamics of my personality changing with my illness. It's such a frustrating thing [my personality] to feel a lack of control over. Where is the real me?? Hidden behind some elusive facade perchance?
Anyway, since Thursday, I've accomplished/done the following:
* Had 2 job interviews
* Had a pizza/park date
* Made a new friend
* Saw old friends/acquaintances at Shabbat meals + out on Sat night
* Heard from everyone "I haven't seen you in SO long!"
* Went out to a b-day party at a bar
* Went to synagogue
* Observed Shabbat almost 100% this week (complete with my brand-new, too-cold-for-25-hours air conditioner and nifty nightlight)
In terms of not being back to my old self... well, in 2 weeks I've gained 19 pounds (!!) and am quite bummed that barely any of my pants/skirts fit (and the ones that do simply don't fall how they used to). I lost 6 pounds a couple weeks ago and it was depressingly followed by this ballooning effect that is unfortunately a common side effect of my medications. Argh! A careful regimen of limited caloric intake coupled with regular exercise (in which I am finally allowed to partake again) should enable me to take it off again, but oy vey!
And this after a productive start early this summer of running in the park (that is Central Park) and lofty (but then realistic) goals of losing 12 pounds by Sept 1st and another 20 lbs. by Jan 1st. I guess the January goal is still possible. I actually don't really care so much what the # on the scale says (that's a pun--get it? #=number=pound), but rather how I look and feel about my body. Being in shape is very important to me and I feel better (physically and self-confidence-wise) when I am in a mode of regularly working out.
Anyway, I'm not sure when I'm leaving the city yet, but I'll probably stay a few more days...then I've got another wedding out-of-town next weekend. They're dropping like flies!
I keep wondering though if I'm really the same as the old me, and then predictably contemplating what the heck constituted the old me... Am I talking and laughing too much? Do I uncharacteristically appear melancholy or am I too quiet sometimes? Is it apparent when I zone out in social situations or fudge some facts to explain why I haven't been around ("I've spent a lot of weekends out at my parents' pool") or what I'm currently doing professionally (the answer is "freelancing," but "between jobs" if pressed for details)? I guess only time will tell. That is, I'll have better insight over time, particularly self-observation of the dynamics of my personality changing with my illness. It's such a frustrating thing [my personality] to feel a lack of control over. Where is the real me?? Hidden behind some elusive facade perchance?
Anyway, since Thursday, I've accomplished/done the following:
* Had 2 job interviews
* Had a pizza/park date
* Made a new friend
* Saw old friends/acquaintances at Shabbat meals + out on Sat night
* Heard from everyone "I haven't seen you in SO long!"
* Went out to a b-day party at a bar
* Went to synagogue
* Observed Shabbat almost 100% this week (complete with my brand-new, too-cold-for-25-hours air conditioner and nifty nightlight)
In terms of not being back to my old self... well, in 2 weeks I've gained 19 pounds (!!) and am quite bummed that barely any of my pants/skirts fit (and the ones that do simply don't fall how they used to). I lost 6 pounds a couple weeks ago and it was depressingly followed by this ballooning effect that is unfortunately a common side effect of my medications. Argh! A careful regimen of limited caloric intake coupled with regular exercise (in which I am finally allowed to partake again) should enable me to take it off again, but oy vey!
And this after a productive start early this summer of running in the park (that is Central Park) and lofty (but then realistic) goals of losing 12 pounds by Sept 1st and another 20 lbs. by Jan 1st. I guess the January goal is still possible. I actually don't really care so much what the # on the scale says (that's a pun--get it? #=number=pound), but rather how I look and feel about my body. Being in shape is very important to me and I feel better (physically and self-confidence-wise) when I am in a mode of regularly working out.
Anyway, I'm not sure when I'm leaving the city yet, but I'll probably stay a few more days...then I've got another wedding out-of-town next weekend. They're dropping like flies!
Thursday, August 05, 2004
Blurry Lines
The big question for me recently has been: "Where does my sickness end and my personality begin?" And vice versa, of course.
What this means in reality is the following: If I get overly pissed off for something trivial (but it *could* be as justified as I perceive), how should I attribute that? Is it ME or is it my ILLNESS? I am being completely serious here. Irritability is a dimension of what I'm undergoing right now.
I get very nervous, because I feel as though the guy I'm seeing has not really "seen" or "experienced" the "REAL" me. However, he thinks he has, and G-d bless him for his patience to see what the "REAL" me is really like because I've definitely done some things which lacked my own better judgment.
Finally, I'll be back in the Big Apple tomorrow and we have a date. (Ed. note: I've been out of the city getting better for the last 15 days.)
When will my judgment return? How will I know that the real me is back and getting pissed off at the waiter is legitimately fair and not outrageously ridiculous? Where is my personality barometer??
Cheers...
What this means in reality is the following: If I get overly pissed off for something trivial (but it *could* be as justified as I perceive), how should I attribute that? Is it ME or is it my ILLNESS? I am being completely serious here. Irritability is a dimension of what I'm undergoing right now.
I get very nervous, because I feel as though the guy I'm seeing has not really "seen" or "experienced" the "REAL" me. However, he thinks he has, and G-d bless him for his patience to see what the "REAL" me is really like because I've definitely done some things which lacked my own better judgment.
Finally, I'll be back in the Big Apple tomorrow and we have a date. (Ed. note: I've been out of the city getting better for the last 15 days.)
When will my judgment return? How will I know that the real me is back and getting pissed off at the waiter is legitimately fair and not outrageously ridiculous? Where is my personality barometer??
Cheers...
Sunday, August 01, 2004
Nothing to say except...
...I'm missing a wedding today and I'm majorly bummed.
Just bought my sister a book she wanted to thank her for being so awesome.
Otherwise did nothing today but mope around. Lucky me. Lucky you to read about it.
Something more exciting to be written in the near future, I promise. Don't stop visiting. Please don't.
Please don't go... Please don't goooooooowhooaaaaa.... Please don't go away... Please don't go
Heh. Gotta love old-school music (I'm so old!) For those too young or out of the loop, I actually forgot the band.. it was a group of four black guys. They also did, "It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday," which I also happen to love... Very catchy tunes...
Ta-ta for now...
Just bought my sister a book she wanted to thank her for being so awesome.
Otherwise did nothing today but mope around. Lucky me. Lucky you to read about it.
Something more exciting to be written in the near future, I promise. Don't stop visiting. Please don't.
Please don't go... Please don't goooooooowhooaaaaa.... Please don't go away... Please don't go
Heh. Gotta love old-school music (I'm so old!) For those too young or out of the loop, I actually forgot the band.. it was a group of four black guys. They also did, "It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday," which I also happen to love... Very catchy tunes...
Ta-ta for now...
Monday, July 26, 2004
TOP TEN LIST OF MY FEARS...
1. I will never recuperate; recovery time is 2-4 weeks; but I am terrified that I will never be fully "stable," and will need to rely on drugs the rest of my life.
2. I will lose my boyfriend. Sounds flaky (which is totally not me), but I met him just over 2 months ago and am falling head over heels for him. We are currently on a hafsaka (ie break), but I am praying that he doesn't meet someone else. We are SO well-suited for each other -- same hashkafa (life outlook, particularly re: religion), same values, etc. We've had some AMAZING conversations to date and I *really* like him (in that silly cheezy 80s movie kinda way.... e.g. "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun," which I just saw, and stars Sarah Jessica Parker, Helen Hunt & Shannon Doherty, circa 1985 or so! Yeah '80s!)
3. I will not be able to participate in the simchas of my good friends (e.g. 5 upcoming weddings for friends; 4 in the next month, 1 of which is out of town, as is the one this winter.) If I'm not better, I might not be able to go to these things, which makes me *VERY* sad :( I already had to cancel going to one, but that wasn't a big deal b/c it was family I'm not so close to (and it was an intermarriage; is that wrong to not feel bad about having skipped out?)......but my friends are another story.. The next wedding is one for which I went to my friend's dress fitting and she looked so beautiful. I must be there... he(ck) or highwater I'll be there, darn it! (I'm trying so hard to swear, yet I've been sounding like a sailor as of late...)
4. I will screw up more jobs. I've literally been fired from every job I've ever had. One was b/c they couldn't afford to make me FT (even though they *loved* me -- back in 2001), one was for cause (sort of; my mental probs caused a lack of focus which precluded me from producing the work they wanted to see and which I was easily capable of doing), next was b/c the guy was a shmuck and it was a shlocky rinky-dink firm, next was freelance and the rel'ship was mutually terminated and the most recent was apparently for "cause" but I think I might have a lawsuit on my hands, b/c it was absolutely ridiculous.... granted, I joined the firm while I was still ill (against the better judgment of my psychiatrist, parents, etc.)
5. I will die of a coma or overdose or from fainting and hitting my head in the shower or something. (Pleasant thoughts, right?)
6. Stigmatization (did i just make up that word; i should be a lexicologist... or lexiconogist): My dr. tries to reassure me: "Oh, don't worry if people know; half of NY sees therapists and are on meds," but it simply doesn't reassure me. I don't want people to think I am WEAK and need to RELY on meds in order to make myself feel good. Really, I'm not one of these snooty UES primadonnas who needs to spend $1000/day on clothes & shoes and talks to her therapist 4 times a week. Blegch.. what a nightmare. That is SO not me. In fact, what I've got totally runs in my family (LUCKY GENES) and earliest manifestations of it were witnessed by myself and others (but not identified) back in 2000-2001 (BTW, none of this is 9/11-related. I am quite blase when it comes to that, having been in Israel at the time, and been so familiar with terrorism there...)
7. Alienating friends and family due to my crazy antics...
8. Going totally broke and having to give up my kicka$$ NYC apartment...
9. Getting caught being online (I feel like a rebellious teenager who has to sneak around)
10. Losing the battle of LIFE!! (I already lost the game (original version; the coolest ever) to one of my good friends; she just happened to get a better job in the game, darn lucky girl ;) ) She's also a sore loser though, so it was for the best that she prevailed.... However, I'm a sore loser, too, so were a poor game-playing match! Speaking of games, I know 2 people who met at the JCC Game Night and subsequently got married!! So whatever your cup of tea, if you make an effort to be social within your interests, you will find your besheret (ie "The One," Prince Charming, Mr. Right)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
PS Can you tell how manic I am from this post?? All my posts will probably resemble this one for awhile.... and I'm not even supposed to be online (OOPS! :) Sorry fam+doc!)
2. I will lose my boyfriend. Sounds flaky (which is totally not me), but I met him just over 2 months ago and am falling head over heels for him. We are currently on a hafsaka (ie break), but I am praying that he doesn't meet someone else. We are SO well-suited for each other -- same hashkafa (life outlook, particularly re: religion), same values, etc. We've had some AMAZING conversations to date and I *really* like him (in that silly cheezy 80s movie kinda way.... e.g. "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun," which I just saw, and stars Sarah Jessica Parker, Helen Hunt & Shannon Doherty, circa 1985 or so! Yeah '80s!)
3. I will not be able to participate in the simchas of my good friends (e.g. 5 upcoming weddings for friends; 4 in the next month, 1 of which is out of town, as is the one this winter.) If I'm not better, I might not be able to go to these things, which makes me *VERY* sad :( I already had to cancel going to one, but that wasn't a big deal b/c it was family I'm not so close to (and it was an intermarriage; is that wrong to not feel bad about having skipped out?)......but my friends are another story.. The next wedding is one for which I went to my friend's dress fitting and she looked so beautiful. I must be there... he(ck) or highwater I'll be there, darn it! (I'm trying so hard to swear, yet I've been sounding like a sailor as of late...)
4. I will screw up more jobs. I've literally been fired from every job I've ever had. One was b/c they couldn't afford to make me FT (even though they *loved* me -- back in 2001), one was for cause (sort of; my mental probs caused a lack of focus which precluded me from producing the work they wanted to see and which I was easily capable of doing), next was b/c the guy was a shmuck and it was a shlocky rinky-dink firm, next was freelance and the rel'ship was mutually terminated and the most recent was apparently for "cause" but I think I might have a lawsuit on my hands, b/c it was absolutely ridiculous.... granted, I joined the firm while I was still ill (against the better judgment of my psychiatrist, parents, etc.)
5. I will die of a coma or overdose or from fainting and hitting my head in the shower or something. (Pleasant thoughts, right?)
6. Stigmatization (did i just make up that word; i should be a lexicologist... or lexiconogist): My dr. tries to reassure me: "Oh, don't worry if people know; half of NY sees therapists and are on meds," but it simply doesn't reassure me. I don't want people to think I am WEAK and need to RELY on meds in order to make myself feel good. Really, I'm not one of these snooty UES primadonnas who needs to spend $1000/day on clothes & shoes and talks to her therapist 4 times a week. Blegch.. what a nightmare. That is SO not me. In fact, what I've got totally runs in my family (LUCKY GENES) and earliest manifestations of it were witnessed by myself and others (but not identified) back in 2000-2001 (BTW, none of this is 9/11-related. I am quite blase when it comes to that, having been in Israel at the time, and been so familiar with terrorism there...)
7. Alienating friends and family due to my crazy antics...
8. Going totally broke and having to give up my kicka$$ NYC apartment...
9. Getting caught being online (I feel like a rebellious teenager who has to sneak around)
10. Losing the battle of LIFE!! (I already lost the game (original version; the coolest ever) to one of my good friends; she just happened to get a better job in the game, darn lucky girl ;) ) She's also a sore loser though, so it was for the best that she prevailed.... However, I'm a sore loser, too, so were a poor game-playing match! Speaking of games, I know 2 people who met at the JCC Game Night and subsequently got married!! So whatever your cup of tea, if you make an effort to be social within your interests, you will find your besheret (ie "The One," Prince Charming, Mr. Right)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
PS Can you tell how manic I am from this post?? All my posts will probably resemble this one for awhile.... and I'm not even supposed to be online (OOPS! :) Sorry fam+doc!)
Saturday, July 24, 2004
Um yeah....
That new job didn't quite work out. I'm pretty upset, but it gives me time to heal b/c I am suffering from a major mental illness right now.
Besides the "sex life" issue, this was one other reason I wanted to keep my blog anonymous. I'd like to be able to speak openly about everything, be it my political, sexual, spiritual or mental opinions and conditions (and positions ;) )
Heh, anyway, part of my illness prohibits (or at least severely limits) my online time... e.g. once every 3 days, which is why I haven't been able to post lately. Once I'm on the road to recovery, I'll certainly post, b/c I have lots of thoughts about everything I've gone through.
Gotta jet....
Thanks in advance for everyone's support and understanding .
Besides the "sex life" issue, this was one other reason I wanted to keep my blog anonymous. I'd like to be able to speak openly about everything, be it my political, sexual, spiritual or mental opinions and conditions (and positions ;) )
Heh, anyway, part of my illness prohibits (or at least severely limits) my online time... e.g. once every 3 days, which is why I haven't been able to post lately. Once I'm on the road to recovery, I'll certainly post, b/c I have lots of thoughts about everything I've gone through.
Gotta jet....
Thanks in advance for everyone's support and understanding .
Tuesday, July 06, 2004
HIATUS
I am on a brief hiatus but will be back soon with lots of exciting posts (many currently in draft form, about my life, current events, Jewish stuff, etc.)
I am starting a new job later this month (YAY!!) :) and am too busy with other tachlis right now to be dealing with this blog.
.....BUT STAY POSTED.....
:)
I am starting a new job later this month (YAY!!) :) and am too busy with other tachlis right now to be dealing with this blog.
.....BUT STAY POSTED.....
:)
Sunday, June 27, 2004
Ending the War on Terrorism
Below are some interesting thoughts from Thomas Friedman at the NYT. He proposes a headline of "Bush Administration Calls an End to the 'War on Terrorism'" as one he'd like to see during his 3-month sabbatical to write a book. What he has to say here is sage..... [parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme...I *LOVE* Simon & Garfunkel...When's their next concert?....*end tangent*] Here's the quote:
Bush Administration Calls an End to the "War on Terrorism." No, I haven't taken leave of my senses on the way out the door. I realize that we have enemies and they need to be confronted. But I do not want this to be all that America is about in the world anymore, and that is what has happened under this administration. I don't want the rest of my career to be about an America that exports fear, not hope, and ends up importing everyone else's fears as a result. I don't want it to be about explaining to young Chinese why my government can't give them student visas anymore. I don't want it to be about visiting U.S. Embassies around the world and finding them so isolated behind barbed wire, they might as well not be there at all. Defeating "them" has begun to define "us" in too many ways.
America is so much more than just "Anti-Al-Qaeda Inc." — but our whole identity in the world, and too many aspects of our way of life, are getting contorted around that mission. If we're really having a relevant presidential campaign, I'll come back and find the candidates debating, not who is the "toughest" guy — the jungle is full of them — but who can be the toughest guy while preserving the best of what we had and the best of who we are.
Friedman is correct about this Administration's obsession with defeating terror. Perhaps the obsession is interfering with the ability to implement anti-terrorist measures effectively. I don't think a "war on terror" is the answer, but the U.S. certainly has a great deal of catch-up to play in terms of intelligence (e.g. far too few Arabic speakers and Middle East experts) and security for all its citizens. Could someone possibly identify the goals which the war in Iraq has successfully (or even semi-successfully) met?
Israel prevented 12 suicide bombings in the month of June. There has not been a suicide bombing in 3 months. Security for citizens (Jews and Arabs alike) is paramount and difficult though it may be, executing proper security measures necessitates stripping people of some of their freedoms. Ethnic background is inevitably a factor in how highly someone is suspected, simply based on experience, not racism.
I was in Israel on September 11, 2001. My family and friends were terrified for me. I was *GLAD* I was there and not in the States. I felt *SAFER* there and still *DO* feel safer there. After all, I now live in the place where utter chaos erupted three years ago... And I am quite pessimistic about what the future holds and what are enemies are no doubt planning... Maybe I will make aliyah. There is no place like home...
Bush Administration Calls an End to the "War on Terrorism." No, I haven't taken leave of my senses on the way out the door. I realize that we have enemies and they need to be confronted. But I do not want this to be all that America is about in the world anymore, and that is what has happened under this administration. I don't want the rest of my career to be about an America that exports fear, not hope, and ends up importing everyone else's fears as a result. I don't want it to be about explaining to young Chinese why my government can't give them student visas anymore. I don't want it to be about visiting U.S. Embassies around the world and finding them so isolated behind barbed wire, they might as well not be there at all. Defeating "them" has begun to define "us" in too many ways.
America is so much more than just "Anti-Al-Qaeda Inc." — but our whole identity in the world, and too many aspects of our way of life, are getting contorted around that mission. If we're really having a relevant presidential campaign, I'll come back and find the candidates debating, not who is the "toughest" guy — the jungle is full of them — but who can be the toughest guy while preserving the best of what we had and the best of who we are.
Friedman is correct about this Administration's obsession with defeating terror. Perhaps the obsession is interfering with the ability to implement anti-terrorist measures effectively. I don't think a "war on terror" is the answer, but the U.S. certainly has a great deal of catch-up to play in terms of intelligence (e.g. far too few Arabic speakers and Middle East experts) and security for all its citizens. Could someone possibly identify the goals which the war in Iraq has successfully (or even semi-successfully) met?
Israel prevented 12 suicide bombings in the month of June. There has not been a suicide bombing in 3 months. Security for citizens (Jews and Arabs alike) is paramount and difficult though it may be, executing proper security measures necessitates stripping people of some of their freedoms. Ethnic background is inevitably a factor in how highly someone is suspected, simply based on experience, not racism.
I was in Israel on September 11, 2001. My family and friends were terrified for me. I was *GLAD* I was there and not in the States. I felt *SAFER* there and still *DO* feel safer there. After all, I now live in the place where utter chaos erupted three years ago... And I am quite pessimistic about what the future holds and what are enemies are no doubt planning... Maybe I will make aliyah. There is no place like home...
Wednesday, June 23, 2004
Dial 911 for Fahrenheit 9/11?
Yesterday was the NYC premiere of Michael Moore's most recent controversial soapbox hit, Fahrenheit 9/11. I stopped by Lincoln Square Cinemas to discover that the 6 evening performances (playing in 3 theaters) for last night were all sold out. Any bets on how high it will place on the "Box Office Hits" list?
I'm not a particularly "political" person, but it will be interesting to see how this film alters the public discourse and even potentially affects the upcoming presidential election. I'm definitely planning on seeing it soon, but I don't expect to endorse it wholeheartedly. I plan to take everything with a grain of salt, and hopefully with further motivation to read up on IR and US public policy. (How I miss the intellectually stimulating college days...)
Speaking of which, Michael Moore admonishes Congressmen for not having read the text of the USA PATRIOT ACT. Have you? Here it is in pdf or html. By the way, PATRIOT is an acronym for:
P roviding
A ppropriate
T ools
R equired to
I ntercept and
O bstruct
T errorism
The New York Times astutely points out that "...while Michael Moore's 'Fahrenheit 9/11' will be properly debated on the basis of its factual claims and cinematic techniques, it should first of all be appreciated as a high-spirited and unruly exercise in democratic self-expression." (emphasis mine) Click here to read the entire article. For a more comprehensive review, visit New York Metro
While it irks me that the title of this film is a rip-off of Ray Bradbury's Fahrenheit 451, I now have a newfound interest in reading this 1953 classic that addresses issues of censorship and freedom, and is considered a peer of George Orwell's 1984. I'm considering tackling the book before I see the movie, just for purposes of comparison. My unsubstantiated theory is that the parallels between the book and the film will be barely perceptible save for general thematic undertones.
UPDATE: Here's a link to an interesting article about Bradbury's reaction to Moore's film title. Bradbury seems quite peeved, though the film will no doubt inject some life into his book sales. Also, a quick web search results in a number of anti-Moore sites. I can't believe some people devote so much time to slandering someone else.. There is also an anti-Moore documentary you can read more about here.
I'm not a particularly "political" person, but it will be interesting to see how this film alters the public discourse and even potentially affects the upcoming presidential election. I'm definitely planning on seeing it soon, but I don't expect to endorse it wholeheartedly. I plan to take everything with a grain of salt, and hopefully with further motivation to read up on IR and US public policy. (How I miss the intellectually stimulating college days...)
Speaking of which, Michael Moore admonishes Congressmen for not having read the text of the USA PATRIOT ACT. Have you? Here it is in pdf or html. By the way, PATRIOT is an acronym for:
P roviding
A ppropriate
T ools
R equired to
I ntercept and
O bstruct
T errorism
The New York Times astutely points out that "...while Michael Moore's 'Fahrenheit 9/11' will be properly debated on the basis of its factual claims and cinematic techniques, it should first of all be appreciated as a high-spirited and unruly exercise in democratic self-expression." (emphasis mine) Click here to read the entire article. For a more comprehensive review, visit New York Metro
While it irks me that the title of this film is a rip-off of Ray Bradbury's Fahrenheit 451, I now have a newfound interest in reading this 1953 classic that addresses issues of censorship and freedom, and is considered a peer of George Orwell's 1984. I'm considering tackling the book before I see the movie, just for purposes of comparison. My unsubstantiated theory is that the parallels between the book and the film will be barely perceptible save for general thematic undertones.
UPDATE: Here's a link to an interesting article about Bradbury's reaction to Moore's film title. Bradbury seems quite peeved, though the film will no doubt inject some life into his book sales. Also, a quick web search results in a number of anti-Moore sites. I can't believe some people devote so much time to slandering someone else.. There is also an anti-Moore documentary you can read more about here.
Tuesday, June 22, 2004
Who'd Have Thunk It?
The New York Daily News conducted a somewhat unscientific study of how nice New Yorkers really are. The results are mystifying. Notably, 84% of NYers (ie Manhattanites; apologies if I'm being presumptuous) gladly provided directions for the directionless and in the Bronx, 76% loaned their cellphones to the cellphone-less.
Maybe I'm too cynical, but the reporters who were sent out on these "act like clueless tourists and see how nice the New Yorkers are to us" missions must have been pretty damn hot!
I'm sick of the B.S. that 9/11 made New Yorkers nicer people. Puh-lease, it's simply not true. New Yorkers are driven by self-interest, and that's all there is to it. The opportunity to talk with a hottie or land a new hook-up buddy (depending on the level of cockiness) must have prevailed in the reporters' execution of this optimistic study.
And so the story unfolds...
Maybe I'm too cynical, but the reporters who were sent out on these "act like clueless tourists and see how nice the New Yorkers are to us" missions must have been pretty damn hot!
I'm sick of the B.S. that 9/11 made New Yorkers nicer people. Puh-lease, it's simply not true. New Yorkers are driven by self-interest, and that's all there is to it. The opportunity to talk with a hottie or land a new hook-up buddy (depending on the level of cockiness) must have prevailed in the reporters' execution of this optimistic study.
And so the story unfolds...
City passes our 'friendly test' -- June 20, 2004
We asked for directions. We asked to share your umbrella.
We even asked to use your (gasp!) cell phone.
Again and again, you answered, 'No problem.'
Out-of-towners come to New York expecting every native they meet will be a cross between Archie Bunker, Andy Sipowicz and Attila the Hun.
But a Daily News survey of hundreds of people in the five boroughs found exactly the opposite: City residents are shockingly friendly, helpful and polite.
Reporters were dispatched to every corner of the big, bad metropolis with orders to pose as tourists, stop passersby for help and be as pesky and clueless as possible...[click here for more!]
Monday, June 21, 2004
Clever Copywriting
I've often thought it would be fun to be a copywriter and come up with ads like the following (in the NYC subway):
"If you're feeling claustrophobic, think of wide-open spaces full of indigenous people selling crafts. Perhaps I can show you travel agents and airline reservations."
(for Verizon SuperPages)
It's creative and resonates with subway riders who are packed in like sardines!
Even the MTA itself (Metropolitan Transit Authority, for you non-NY-ers) had some cool ads telling riders to move their backpacks and turn down their walkmen (or do you prefer walkmans?) However, I doubt that the offending parties paid any heed to them...
"If you're feeling claustrophobic, think of wide-open spaces full of indigenous people selling crafts. Perhaps I can show you travel agents and airline reservations."
(for Verizon SuperPages)
It's creative and resonates with subway riders who are packed in like sardines!
Even the MTA itself (Metropolitan Transit Authority, for you non-NY-ers) had some cool ads telling riders to move their backpacks and turn down their walkmen (or do you prefer walkmans?) However, I doubt that the offending parties paid any heed to them...
Monday, June 14, 2004
The Trials & Tribulations of NYC Dating
Gawker reports on a woman being invoiced for 50% of the cost of her date with a man. Gotta love Manhattan. Check it out at:
Dating In Manhattan: An Exercise In Contract Law
All I can say is "Oy vey!"
Dating In Manhattan: An Exercise In Contract Law
All I can say is "Oy vey!"
Wednesday, June 09, 2004
The Curse of Being Ordinary...and Other Ramblings
As I meet more and more people in this crazy city, I keep wondering, what is it that differentiates me from being just another 20-something female living in Manhattan???
A corollary of this is the challenge of identifying myself. I remember when I was in college, it was quite easy to describe myself to new people I met. I go to X University where I am majoring in Y and Z. (I wonder if I'll always have the need to maintain such extreme anonymity!) These days though, it seems that the first question out of a new acquaintance's mouth is: So, what do you do?
What DO I do? Well, it's a complicated answer. I've ended up in an industry that has nothing to do with what I studied in college, and am now working independently for a very small company... ie no office, no benefits... also, no strings attached, which I like! (Sketchy men reading, do not take this as an offer!) But, alas, it does not provide me with a satisfactory "identity" to appease those "so-what-do-you-do?"-ers.
Anyway, I doubt that it's my "calling," but only time will tell. It is unfortunate that books like What Color is your Parachute just seem to rehash the obvious. I know that I need to find a job where I can interact with people, put my persuasion skills to use and not be chained behind a desk all day. While I don't want to sell my soul to the corporate world, I also don't wish to work for pennies for a cause I support (ie ISRAEL). Nor could I waste the majority of my waking hours on something that is utterly meaningless in the grand scheme of things... Oh, the agony! {Relax, it's sarcasm}
By the way, it was several years ago that I recognized the quarter-life crisis phenomenon. Why, oh why, could I not have been the one to put it all to paper resulting in a NYT bestseller?
Seriously though, reading through the profiles of the online dating service I use (which will remain unnamed), just underscores to me, either the homogeneity of the community here, or the inability of young people to creatively express their essence. Homogeneity seems like it would be unlikely, here in Manhattan, of all places, but maybe it simply means I am not getting out enough to meet up with people of various stripes, etc.
Long story short, I'm just another disillusioned, overeducated soul wondering what the hell to do with her life!
Hmmmm.... a penny for your thoughts...?? Is anyone out there reading my blog? I really am curious, so please drop a line (comment) to say hello ;)
---
PS I need to find a great (preferably free) site counter, that includes data on where visitors surf in from -- any suggestions?
A corollary of this is the challenge of identifying myself. I remember when I was in college, it was quite easy to describe myself to new people I met. I go to X University where I am majoring in Y and Z. (I wonder if I'll always have the need to maintain such extreme anonymity!) These days though, it seems that the first question out of a new acquaintance's mouth is: So, what do you do?
What DO I do? Well, it's a complicated answer. I've ended up in an industry that has nothing to do with what I studied in college, and am now working independently for a very small company... ie no office, no benefits... also, no strings attached, which I like! (Sketchy men reading, do not take this as an offer!) But, alas, it does not provide me with a satisfactory "identity" to appease those "so-what-do-you-do?"-ers.
Anyway, I doubt that it's my "calling," but only time will tell. It is unfortunate that books like What Color is your Parachute just seem to rehash the obvious. I know that I need to find a job where I can interact with people, put my persuasion skills to use and not be chained behind a desk all day. While I don't want to sell my soul to the corporate world, I also don't wish to work for pennies for a cause I support (ie ISRAEL). Nor could I waste the majority of my waking hours on something that is utterly meaningless in the grand scheme of things... Oh, the agony! {Relax, it's sarcasm}
By the way, it was several years ago that I recognized the quarter-life crisis phenomenon. Why, oh why, could I not have been the one to put it all to paper resulting in a NYT bestseller?
Seriously though, reading through the profiles of the online dating service I use (which will remain unnamed), just underscores to me, either the homogeneity of the community here, or the inability of young people to creatively express their essence. Homogeneity seems like it would be unlikely, here in Manhattan, of all places, but maybe it simply means I am not getting out enough to meet up with people of various stripes, etc.
Long story short, I'm just another disillusioned, overeducated soul wondering what the hell to do with her life!
Hmmmm.... a penny for your thoughts...?? Is anyone out there reading my blog? I really am curious, so please drop a line (comment) to say hello ;)
---
PS I need to find a great (preferably free) site counter, that includes data on where visitors surf in from -- any suggestions?
Thursday, June 03, 2004
Zionist Haiku
As my soul blossoms
Klal Yisrael b'yachad
Oolay aliyah
------------------------
Components of haiku:
5/7/5 (syllables)
nature/seasonal reference
Translation:
As my soul (nefesh) blossoms
All of Israel (community) together
Perhaps aliyah (immigration to Israel)
Would love to know if this resonates with anyone or if you have feedback :)
Klal Yisrael b'yachad
Oolay aliyah
------------------------
Components of haiku:
5/7/5 (syllables)
nature/seasonal reference
Translation:
As my soul (nefesh) blossoms
All of Israel (community) together
Perhaps aliyah (immigration to Israel)
Would love to know if this resonates with anyone or if you have feedback :)
Joining the world of blogging
Welcome to my blog: Single Gal in NYC. Yes I know, it's not overly creative, and my status as "single" is transient, but as long as I'm not married, I think it's a fair descriptor. Hopefully you will enjoy reading about my travails as a young single Manhattanite who strives to be anything but ordinary.
Certainly more will be revealed about me through this blog, but here's for starters...
Adventurous
Bantering
Creative
Disillusioned
Even
Flirty
Genuine
Happy?
Inquisitive
Jaded
Klutzy
Loyal
Marginally
Neurotic
Odd
Persuasive
Quasi-
Rash
Silly
Thoughtful
Unabashedly
Voracious
Witty
XX-coded
Yes I’m a
Zionist
Certainly more will be revealed about me through this blog, but here's for starters...
Adventurous
Bantering
Creative
Disillusioned
Even
Flirty
Genuine
Happy?
Inquisitive
Jaded
Klutzy
Loyal
Marginally
Neurotic
Odd
Persuasive
Quasi-
Rash
Silly
Thoughtful
Unabashedly
Voracious
Witty
XX-coded
Yes I’m a
Zionist
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