Blurry Lines

The big question for me recently has been: "Where does my sickness end and my personality begin?" And vice versa, of course.

What this means in reality is the following: If I get overly pissed off for something trivial (but it *could* be as justified as I perceive), how should I attribute that? Is it ME or is it my ILLNESS? I am being completely serious here. Irritability is a dimension of what I'm undergoing right now.

I get very nervous, because I feel as though the guy I'm seeing has not really "seen" or "experienced" the "REAL" me. However, he thinks he has, and G-d bless him for his patience to see what the "REAL" me is really like because I've definitely done some things which lacked my own better judgment.

Finally, I'll be back in the Big Apple tomorrow and we have a date. (Ed. note: I've been out of the city getting better for the last 15 days.)

When will my judgment return? How will I know that the real me is back and getting pissed off at the waiter is legitimately fair and not outrageously ridiculous? Where is my personality barometer??

Cheers...