There's Something About M...

...y obsession with DINERS!!!

I love 'em... and here's my very own TOP 10 LIST OF WHY DINERS ROCK:

10. Your glass of water is never -- make that, never ever -- empty. Somehow the glasses (minute though they may be) are magically always refilled without the need to flag down the wait staff. I swear, Elijah must be around somewhere...

9. There's the unassuming atmosphere, where one can be completely anonymous, yet revel in the glories of shameless people-watching... not to mention shameless eavesdropping. For some inexplicable reason, people choose to bare their souls while in diners. If you listen up, you'll hear all about money woes, lovers' quarrels and even sex scandals (if you're lucky).

8. The menus are home to more pages and varieties of fare than the swankiest theatre district celebrity hot-spot, the newest break-the-bank steakhouse or famed sushi destination. And diner food is cheap in price, but rarely so in quality. There are generous portions and it always makes for a hearty meal. Mmm...hungry yet?

7. Dining alone is not the least bit intimidating nor embarrassing. In fact, it simply enables you to do more people-watching and eavesdropping. (or at least do so without ignoring your dining companion!) And shmoozing with your hot waiter (if you're really lucky).

6. Diners don't kick you out. Sure there are some cafes that let you hang around hour-upon-hour, but do they offer bottomless cups of coffee and an endless stream of entertainment of the mundane?

5. You can happily sip a milkshake or indulge in a huge plate of french (freedom?) fries and the rest of your problems miraculously seem far far away.

4. Diners are tourist-free! Always! (*with the exception of listed tourist diners below) I didn't realize it until tonight when dining in one of New York's so-called "famous" diners, but even it is frequented by a pleasant crowd of locals.

3. What better place to catch up with an old friend, have a heart-to-heart with mom or have a teary break-up? Everyone seems to assume that no one is listening to your conversation, yet subconsciously, I think everyone likes having an audience. Plus it's anonymous because once you walk out, you may as well have just exited an online chatroom.

2. Omelettes have a preparation time of 43.2 seconds with an extra 10.6 seconds to get to the table. It doesn't matter how crowded or busy the diner is, this is a proven statistic. Service is so fast, you've gotta wonder if they've got an army of robots back there.

1. Lastly, I would be remiss to omit those ubiquitous diner mints that I hoard upon my exit (and sometimes upon my entrance, too). They're not even that tasty, but there's just some undefinable quality to them that simply completes the diner experience.

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And the very best diners I know: (This is not geographically biased...really!)
Metro Diner (100th/Broadway): Very friendly. Very spacious. Diverse crowd. Decent people-watching. And the menu is almost as long as my honors thesis was :) Downside: It's not open 24 hours.
City Diner (90th/Broadway): Owned by the same proprietors as Metro Diner and it *is* open 24 hours. It's also conveniently located to some great bars and night-spots. (Okay, I lied. The numerous Amsterdam (Ave.) frat bars don't count. The only good one near there is Cleopatra's Needle which has its own fine cuisine.)
Strand Diner (96th/Broadway): The best feature of this place are the old-school jukebox game thingys (thingies, if you will) at each table. It's a funky obscure joint around the corner from the sketchy-by-night 2/3 subway stop.


Okay, so if you're a tourist, you can head to*:
Ellen's Stardust Diner (51st/Broadway): The supposed draw is the entourage of singing waiters, who are really just Broadway hopefuls shooting for the (far-away) stars! Beware: These waiters mean well, but they harbor delusions that they are the funniest, most entertaining performers this side of Broadway!
Carnegie Deli (55th/7th): It's famous for its $12 deli sandwiches and terrible service! Hurry, put me on the interminable list for a table now!
Tom's Restaurant (112th/Broadway): Seinfeld's famous haunt, yet surprisingly not overrun by tourist maniacs. I guess "Harlem" is just still too scary to set foot into. Check it out, but don't stay for a meal. Tom's is overpriced and underserviced. (It's also referenced in Suzanne Vega's song "Tom's Diner"). Downside: No mints!

*The mass appeal (to tourists) of these places may override the cynical comments I have made here! It's a New York experience....just like getting shoved in the subway.