Slip Sliding Away...

So here I am...more than 4 years after I started this blog. It's interesting to read back about the roller-coaster that has been my life.

Right now, I am stuck in a rut...though I always have been in some way or another. I have barely been supporting myself, have absolutely no motivation and have a complete and utter lack of self-esteem, such that I am paralyzed to even sit down and revise my resume.

I want to move to Israel. I want to fall in love. I want to get married. Who knows when any of those things will happen, but as I get older, the chances for everything get slimmer.

I don't feel smart anymore. I don't feel worthy of my college degree. I don't follow the news. I don't know what's going on in Iraq. I don't know what's going on with the 2008 election. And I'm pretty apathetic about it. I guess I just have enough of my own problems to contend with. Yet, I should still be worldly and try to be intellectual and read and learn and join a book club and attend lectures and maybe even take a class. It's a goal, I suppose.

I haven't told many people that I don't plan on voting. Honestly, the only issue of any interest to me is Israel. I think (have heard/read) that Obama is anti-Israel and McCain would be better for it. Yet, McCain (with his idiotic running mate, about whom I know little...but enough to make that judgment) does not necessarily have my other concerns in mind--social welfare, education, abortion, taxes, etc. I haven't taken the time to research it though, so what do I know? I also recall Joe Biden as being pro-Israel. So besides the fact that my vote won't count (New York will go Democratic anyway) and besides the fact that the electoral voters can vote for whichever candidate they fancy (regardless of the popular vote), I simply don't think that who the next president is will seriously impact the state of this country and the state of the world. Enough about politics...

On to something I know a bit more about: MEN. Ha! I met a cutie this summer, but it didn't last very long (we only went out once, but it was a romantic night out on the town). I really wanted to go home with him, but it was not in the cards, even though he seemed to very much like me as well. I also met a second cutie who showed me that I am indeed still capable of an orgasm. But it has now been almost 2 years since I've had sex. On the one hand, I'd like to just wait for the right guy now, but on the other hand, I honestly would LOVE to have a couple one-night stands with guys who are NOT part of my community. That would be FUN. Perhaps it's just what I need to get my self-esteem up. (Now isn't that healthy!?)

Five of my friends are getting married in the next year. I think it's the second round of wedding fever. The first happened in my mid-20s and now this one is happening in my late-20s. Thank G-d I still have plenty of single friends left. Otherwise, I'd be pretty depressed. And I'm already depressed enough...