This quote speaks for itself:
Be who you are and say how you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
-Dr. Seuss
By the way, they sell Dr. Seuss books in Hebrew. Now that's a good test of Hebrew abilities and also lots of fun to read. Check out your local Judaica store!
For a graduation present, I received a book called Seuss-isms for Success: Insider Tips on Economic Health from the Good Doctor. It includes appropriate quotes from various books of Dr. S and the editor really managed to extract some great business lessons! The starting quote is most inspirational for me, and I need to keep it in mind as much as I did when I first graduated:
Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You're off to Great Places!
You're off and away!
You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
-Oh, the Places You'll Go!
Oh, how I want to go places....happiness-wise....and...to Israel (which should come as no surprise to my faithful readers.) And maybe career-wise, but truth be told, I am skeptical that there's anything out there that would satisfy me. I hate the proverbial corporate ladder and I can't stand bureaucracy. I just need to make some money to keep my head above water... More about this later and I will open the floor for suggestions once I outline my qualifications for everyone's reading pleasure.
Wednesday, October 20, 2004
Age of Ignorance: A Rant
Sometimes I have to wonder about the intellect of my fellow human beings. The following particular complaints are mathematical ones.
First of all, what is up with those tip cards? When people whip them out at restaurants, it seems they want to impress others with how savvy and prepared they are (as in, "Look how smooth I am; I brought condoms!" (i.e. "I knew I was gonna get some tonight!")) I just don't understand how it's so hard to calculate a tip. Some people (I think Bloomberg said this if I'm not mistaken) just double the tax (which is 8.25% in New York. He got trashed for leaving so little!)) More practically, it's mindless to move the decimal point one to the left to get 10%. Then either double it (for 20%, duh!) or take half of 10% and add it onto the 10% (for 15%). And there you have it! Singlegal's solution for the masses.
The next "Made for Stupid" thing I saw recently was a huge chart with a gazillion numbers on it. I was at DSW (which I believe stands for "Discount Shoe Warehouse") and this chart was a guide to pricing. Shoes were 20, 40, 60 or 80% off (though mysteriously, there seemed to be no shoes that were 80% off, and only a handful that were 60%. Damn those sneaky retailers..) The handy dandy chart listed each possible original price (in 10 cent increments or so) and what the new price would be with each of the 4 discounts. It was a sight to see and all those numbers made me a a bit dizzy. Why can't people find 10% and calculate from there? We all took high school math!
Lastly are those cash registers that dispense coins separately from bills when transacting a transaction. (Like that? That's my style!) As I think about it though, I am realizing that those cash registers might also serve the function to expedite transactions and keep customers waiting for a shorter time. I think they've got them at fast food joints where speed is definitely appreciated by the customers (and where the employees might very well be high school dropouts.)
---
On the other end of the spectrum (i.e. non-mathematical quirky grievances) are companies that find it appropriate to misspell their names or slogans to achieve marketing prowess. For example, there's Dunkin' Donuts, Rite Aid, Toys "R" Us, and many others that are eluding me right now.
And today, as I indulged in a Butterfinger, I was dismayed to see the slogan: "crispety, crunchety, peanut-buttery!" For starters, it invents words (this is different from me inventing words for a blog; I wouldn't give a company an idiotic name or slogan) and those words don't even rhyme. For it to rhyme, it would have to be either "crispety, crunchety, peanut-butty(or buttety)" (all ending in "ty") or "crispery, crunchery, peanut-buttery." But I maintain that "crispy, crunchy, peanut-buttery" isn't all so terrible and still has the best ring to it!
---
Those are my complaints for today. Stay tuned for more in the future!
First of all, what is up with those tip cards? When people whip them out at restaurants, it seems they want to impress others with how savvy and prepared they are (as in, "Look how smooth I am; I brought condoms!" (i.e. "I knew I was gonna get some tonight!")) I just don't understand how it's so hard to calculate a tip. Some people (I think Bloomberg said this if I'm not mistaken) just double the tax (which is 8.25% in New York. He got trashed for leaving so little!)) More practically, it's mindless to move the decimal point one to the left to get 10%. Then either double it (for 20%, duh!) or take half of 10% and add it onto the 10% (for 15%). And there you have it! Singlegal's solution for the masses.
The next "Made for Stupid" thing I saw recently was a huge chart with a gazillion numbers on it. I was at DSW (which I believe stands for "Discount Shoe Warehouse") and this chart was a guide to pricing. Shoes were 20, 40, 60 or 80% off (though mysteriously, there seemed to be no shoes that were 80% off, and only a handful that were 60%. Damn those sneaky retailers..) The handy dandy chart listed each possible original price (in 10 cent increments or so) and what the new price would be with each of the 4 discounts. It was a sight to see and all those numbers made me a a bit dizzy. Why can't people find 10% and calculate from there? We all took high school math!
Lastly are those cash registers that dispense coins separately from bills when transacting a transaction. (Like that? That's my style!) As I think about it though, I am realizing that those cash registers might also serve the function to expedite transactions and keep customers waiting for a shorter time. I think they've got them at fast food joints where speed is definitely appreciated by the customers (and where the employees might very well be high school dropouts.)
---
On the other end of the spectrum (i.e. non-mathematical quirky grievances) are companies that find it appropriate to misspell their names or slogans to achieve marketing prowess. For example, there's Dunkin' Donuts, Rite Aid, Toys "R" Us, and many others that are eluding me right now.
And today, as I indulged in a Butterfinger, I was dismayed to see the slogan: "crispety, crunchety, peanut-buttery!" For starters, it invents words (this is different from me inventing words for a blog; I wouldn't give a company an idiotic name or slogan) and those words don't even rhyme. For it to rhyme, it would have to be either "crispety, crunchety, peanut-butty(or buttety)" (all ending in "ty") or "crispery, crunchery, peanut-buttery." But I maintain that "crispy, crunchy, peanut-buttery" isn't all so terrible and still has the best ring to it!
---
Those are my complaints for today. Stay tuned for more in the future!
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
The Boyfriend Dramalogues
In a departure from my recent ramblings on how pathetic my life is (Note: this perception has not changed; life is still a wooden roller-coaster with loops), I'd like to thank PepGiraffe for inspiring this post of past boyfriends.
Disclaimer (for males): Sometimes for anonymity reasons, and sometimes for sheer amusement, women and their friends identify past, present & future suitors with mnemonically apt descriptors. (Yes, I made up the word "mnemonically"; I will take whatever poetic license I choose. Just don't mistake it for lack of intelligence.) This female tendency indicates a desire to remember lovingly, disregard wholly, mock amusingly and/or list nonsensically (as I will proceed to do here.) And I also must add that this phenomenon has become more prevalent among the masses following the introduction of the famous "Mr. Big" on Sex in the City.
These are my former suitors/lovers/boyfriends:
* "The Israeli" (times 4: "The Shoe Salesman," "The One I Loved," "The Shaliach" and "The One Night Stand")
* "The Canadian" (times 2 (included below); I switched from Israelis to Canadians; now I'm on religious guys! Yet I'm starting to pine away for "The One I Loved" from 3 years ago)
* "No-Personality" = "Let Me Take You Out So You Can Pay" = "The Overachiever / Great on Paper" guy (We both knew from Day 1 that it was going nowhere.)
* "No Chin" = "Sexy Dresser" = "Tall, Dark & Handsome" guy (It was intense & serious but not much else to say about him!)
* "Religious Yet NOT So Religious (If You Get My Drift)" guy
* "Perfect But There's No Spark" guy
* "Dorky but Adorable Newspaper Editor" guy
Only one JDater is described above, but I've dated my fair share of sketchy guys from that cesspool of cessationable (not sensational) men, and am skeptical about returning to it. (I'm especially skeptical of "The Penthouse" guy who got 2 chances from me.)
Speaking of which, anyone have any good stories from Saw You At Sinai (an online dating site with use of matchmakers)? I wonder if there will be a need for SawYouAtSinai-ers Anonymous...
Also, if you are a young single dating in Manhattan, it is imperative that you see the movie Crossing Delancey like yesterday. It is very funny and the premise is a young woman in her early 30s who isn't looking for love, but love is looking for her, in the form of a pickle vendor! Yeah for street vendors. Not only did my shoe salesman work in a store, but he worked at his dad's booth at the shuk, too. I know, I really know how to pick winners. It is still a source of amusement for my friends!
Disclaimer (for males): Sometimes for anonymity reasons, and sometimes for sheer amusement, women and their friends identify past, present & future suitors with mnemonically apt descriptors. (Yes, I made up the word "mnemonically"; I will take whatever poetic license I choose. Just don't mistake it for lack of intelligence.) This female tendency indicates a desire to remember lovingly, disregard wholly, mock amusingly and/or list nonsensically (as I will proceed to do here.) And I also must add that this phenomenon has become more prevalent among the masses following the introduction of the famous "Mr. Big" on Sex in the City.
These are my former suitors/lovers/boyfriends:
* "The Israeli" (times 4: "The Shoe Salesman," "The One I Loved," "The Shaliach" and "The One Night Stand")
* "The Canadian" (times 2 (included below); I switched from Israelis to Canadians; now I'm on religious guys! Yet I'm starting to pine away for "The One I Loved" from 3 years ago)
* "No-Personality" = "Let Me Take You Out So You Can Pay" = "The Overachiever / Great on Paper" guy (We both knew from Day 1 that it was going nowhere.)
* "No Chin" = "Sexy Dresser" = "Tall, Dark & Handsome" guy (It was intense & serious but not much else to say about him!)
* "Religious Yet NOT So Religious (If You Get My Drift)" guy
* "Perfect But There's No Spark" guy
* "Dorky but Adorable Newspaper Editor" guy
Only one JDater is described above, but I've dated my fair share of sketchy guys from that cesspool of cessationable (not sensational) men, and am skeptical about returning to it. (I'm especially skeptical of "The Penthouse" guy who got 2 chances from me.)
Speaking of which, anyone have any good stories from Saw You At Sinai (an online dating site with use of matchmakers)? I wonder if there will be a need for SawYouAtSinai-ers Anonymous...
Also, if you are a young single dating in Manhattan, it is imperative that you see the movie Crossing Delancey like yesterday. It is very funny and the premise is a young woman in her early 30s who isn't looking for love, but love is looking for her, in the form of a pickle vendor! Yeah for street vendors. Not only did my shoe salesman work in a store, but he worked at his dad's booth at the shuk, too. I know, I really know how to pick winners. It is still a source of amusement for my friends!
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